Requires discipline and personal responsibility of the child for the result.
Teachers are afraid to be demanding, but this is precisely the factor that guarantees that the student will learn independently. Demandingness and rigidity are not intimidation of children, not instilling in them the fear of getting a bad grade, but a necessity, without which it is simply impossible to acquire new knowledge.
If the teacher is gentle and forgives a lot, then the students relax and understand that they can “forget” the subject. And when a teacher at school demands knowledge of his subject, the child will do his homework independently at home without unnecessary reminders.
The author's school for dyslexics of all ages.
Parents should do the same when raising their child, making it clear to him what he can do and what he cannot do.
Five Jacksons
Of course, not everyone was spoiled by the money issue. Joseph especially succumbed to the thirst for profit , and he did this back in the 60s, but perhaps at that stage it was necessary. Competition in music has always been strong, and black artists were initially in unequal conditions - especially in the 60s, at the very end of racial segregation in the United States. However, there were enough black musicians, including in the niche that the Jackson brothers chose for themselves (remember the same Five Stairsteps - they were four brothers and a sister).
In fact, Joseph Jackson created The Jackson 5 in the form in which they became famous: he rehearsed with his sons, selected their repertoire and stage appearance, negotiated concerts and participation in various competitions. In general, he was the same manager who moved musicians and singers to success.
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Be strict with your child - be strict with yourself!
No matter how you raise a child, he will still grow up to be like you. This famous expression very clearly reflects the entire process of upbringing, because children copy their parents in absolutely everything: in behavior, habits, attitude to life, speech patterns. And if you demand discipline from your child, but allow yourself to be lazy, then there will be no result.
First of all, the process of education begins with the education of oneself.
First, you yourself need to become what you want your child to be, and only then demand the same from him. That is, this is the only way to be consistent in your words and deeds.
One of the mothers of Tatyana Goguadze’s students spoke about this perfectly in her story about raising a child:
What to do if dad is too strict?
Despite the fact that both spouses were looking forward to the arrival of the baby, some time after his birth the man may lose interest in him. On this basis, conflicts often arise between husband and wife, who cannot find agreement in matters of raising their son. Most often, a man adheres to the point of view that a boy must be treated strictly so that the tenderness and affection of his mother does not turn him into a slobber. In such families, one can observe how a man, who until recently was very kind to the heir, has become unreasonably strict with him. What actually is the reason for such a drastic change?
In fact, many young fathers are very strict with their first-born sons, reacting sharply to their pranks, disobedience, or ordinary mistakes associated with a restless character. It is difficult for a man to quickly step into the role of dad, realizing the importance of what is happening. It’s not for nothing that people say that people become adults only after they have their own children. As you know, men by nature are big children at heart, so this is even more difficult for them. That is why they can seriously start a scandal with their child on equal terms, without taking into account his age. There are several reasons for this behavior.
The most common is banal jealousy. It is necessary to be sympathetic to a man’s inner experiences when all of his wife’s attention is completely absorbed by a new family member. Previously, all love went entirely to him, but now it should be shared with another small, but still a man. This kind of development of events can be avoided if a woman does not forget about her husband, pays attention to him and demonstrates her love. It is necessary to realize that now there are two demanding men in the family - a big one and a small one, who have different needs.
Another of the most common reasons for being strict in parenting is lack of experience. Of course, the father of the first-born will be uneven and inept in raising his child, since he has not often had to communicate with children in his life. In addition, it is usually mothers who take care of babies, so it is not surprising that as the child grows older, the father moves away from him more, as the lack of constant contact and involvement in caring for the baby affects him. To try to rectify the situation, some of the responsibilities should be shifted onto the men’s shoulders, and over time, the mother will be surprised to discover how the man is taking care of his first-born with increasing interest.
It is quite natural that his own childhood left its negative imprint on the man’s methods of upbringing. As you know, people often copy the behavior of their parents, including ways of communicating with children. Most likely, the strictly dad had no less demanding parents, so he automatically adopted their parenting style. It is best to directly discuss this issue with him, explaining what his behavior looks like from the outside, that it is not correct and can harm his son’s psyche.
Well-developed intuition about other people
Our parents, in a commanding tone, forbade us to communicate with classmates who, in their opinion, could negatively influence us. Moms and dads collected entire dossiers on children who were, in their opinion, dysfunctional, carried out surveillance and did not allow them to go out with them. Many, of course, as a sign of protest, continued to be friends with Masha the poor student or Petya the hooligan. But at the same time, they looked at them more closely and, as a rule, came to the conclusion that the parents were right. This inner feeling, which mothers and fathers unknowingly developed in their children, is very helpful in adulthood. The “radar” turns on the moment a new person appears, and almost immediately it becomes clear whether he is needed or whether it is better to pass by. This quality especially saves in cases where along the way there are people who can cause harm (physical or emotional).
Strict dad
Joseph Jackson guided his children on the right path using almost draconian methods. He was known to be a very strict disciplinarian; his sons were required to call him by his full name, Joseph, and they were severely punished for calling him "Daddy." Much later, already in the 2000s, American newspapers would consider this approach to educating future stars a “dictatorship.” Michael Jackson, also already in the status of a world-class star, admitted that as a child he was afraid of his own father and that even his father’s gaze frightened him.
Joseph himself, in an interview with Oprah Winfrey in 2010, said that he did not at all regret the corporal punishment of children in the distant 60s; he called it a necessary punishment for bad deeds - so that they remember why they were punished and so that they do not do it again.
Strict parents - relationships suffer
Being strict is perhaps the most common approach to discipline. We are talking about imposing the will of an adult on a child. For example, you insist that your child clean his room and punish him if he does not.
No one likes to do what others have decided for them, and your son or daughter is no exception. Some children are more flexible, but certainly not all. This balance of power leads to a dead end, to humiliation and anger.
The danger is that you set an example of how to “be right,” “be tough,” and how you yourself do not handle frustration well. By making persistent demands on your offspring, you unconsciously teach them to always insist on being right, to be inflexible and intolerant.
Then you find yourself in a vicious circle of mutual intransigence, hopeless situations and showdowns, or it all ends in a refusal to communicate. In the long run, this is not the best way to achieve a smooth relationship. Of course, from time to time you can shout: “Toys in places, immediately!”, But let this be an exception, and not your usual manner of communication.
By being bossy with your children, you are putting their future relationships with management at risk. Either they will resist any cooperation with the authorities, or they will not be able to take leadership positions, or you will raise a dictator.
So, constantly imposing your will on a child is not the best way to raise a moral person who is ready to cooperate with others, and is not suitable for building good relationships with him.
Gentle parents - children go wild
Being too soft means not setting any standards for your son or daughter or showing them what you expect from them. Often this lack of boundaries designated by parents is either their protest against an overprotective, anxious parenting style, or a reaction to their own childhood under the heel of authoritarian parents.
There are children who are able to independently set standards and criteria for their behavior, but not all can do this. A child who does not understand what is expected of him often experiences confusion and uncertainty. It happens that due to our reluctance to repeat the parenting models of our parents, we are carried in the opposite direction, and we do not set boundaries for the child at all.
If you think carefully, it becomes clear that this is a reaction to the past, to the behavior of our parents, and not to the situation with which we are dealing now, in the present.
However, being soft is not a bad thing. This is often the best solution. Sometimes it’s wise to give up your demands on your baby because he’s not ready for them yet.
For example, your older one may find cleaning easy, but his younger brother will be exhausted before he finishes. Instead of starting a battle, and even one in which there can be no winners, and the result will only be the destruction of a friendly attitude towards each other, accept it as a fact: the baby is not yet ready to do what you want from him. This means not insisting on cleaning up toys.
No, this is not the same as giving in or giving up. You have deliberately put off setting boundaries. Being gentle can be a good short-term solution until the child learns to cooperate.
Strict parenting develops increased responsibility
As a child, did you have to look after your younger brother, walk the dog, go to the store with a specific list of necessary products? At that time, of course, I wanted to take a walk, watch cartoons, chat with my girlfriend, but I had to run errands. But in the future you will turn out to be the most responsible and disciplined person. Responsibility is highly valued by managers, so it is likely that you now occupy a good position, and your friends appreciate the fact that they can always rely on you.
How to fire your own father
However, by the end of the 70s, the authoritarianism of Jackson Sr. began to irritate his offspring - and, perhaps, even interfere with their creativity. In 1979, Michael Jackson fired his father as his manager. He found another producer, with whom he recorded his fifth solo album, Off the Wall, in 1979, and the most successful album in history, Thriller, which finally turned Michael into the king of pop.
The rest of the Jacksons lasted under their father's rule a little longer - The Jackson 5's contract with Joseph was terminated in 1983; True, by that time the group was no longer as popular as before, but they remained on the scene until the end of the 80s and did it quite successfully.
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Michael Jackson. Special signs
