Until what age do girls reach adolescence?

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The transition period is different for every girl. Some young ladies do not experience any difficulties, while their parents experience unnecessary worries and fears. But there are girls who experience severe stress due to internal and external changes. The result may be withdrawal or rebellion, depression or increased activity.

In any case, the question of adolescence in girls and how parents should behave is not an easy one even for experienced psychologists. However, some valid recommendations do exist.

How to behave with a child in adolescence: the right steps towards a teenage daughter

• 1. Smooth transition. There is no need to think that a certain hour “X” will come when girls begin adolescence and the daughter begins to change dramatically. Most likely, this will manifest itself smoothly, both physiologically and mentally. But it is important not to miss these moments. Mom needs to talk to her daughter in advance about topics such as growing breasts, menstruation, and acne. For an adult woman, these are common occurrences, but a girl can be very frightened when she discovers such signs of growing up. Also, both parents should notice whether the girl begins to cry for unknown reasons, gets nervous, overtired, etc. These are signs of the beginning of adolescence in girls.
• 2. Sincere interest. During this period, the girl begins to perceive even minor problems as real personal tragedies. Someday the family will be able to laugh about this together, but not now. During this difficult period, you need to be sincerely interested in the desires and experiences of your child.

• 3. Support and support. This rule follows from the previous one. Knowing about your daughter’s experiences and problems, you need to lend her a shoulder, console her, promptly, and protect her. No one can do this better than parents. If there is no such support, the girl will have to look for it on the side. Then, there is no guarantee that bad people will not take advantage of it.
• 4. Own experience. There is nothing wrong with telling your daughter about the problems that bothered her mom and dad at the same age. You shouldn’t say: “I wasn’t like that at your age.” It’s much better to admit: “You know, I was/was very similar to you...”. This will help the girl understand that she is not alone.
• 5. Acceptance of change. The parents themselves need to come to terms with the fact that their girl will no longer be the same as before. But it won't make her any worse. The little girl is just getting ready for adulthood. This is the main thing that parents need to remember during their daughter’s adolescence.

Don't complicate a difficult age

Why do words differ from deeds?

- You know, my dad has absolutely no respect for me! As soon as he needs something, he immediately shouts: “Do it immediately!” - complained a sixteen-year-old boy. “And I really want him to ask me in a good way: “Nikita, help, please!” “I would do anything for him then!”

I nodded my head with sympathy, perplexed by such strange behavior of adults.

A few days later I asked:

- Nikita, please help me move the computer!

“Now,” he responded. And after that I repeated the day, and the second, and the sixth. And, I admit, the desire to say: “Well, do it immediately!” — has arisen more than once.

Situations like this are not uncommon when dealing with teenagers. Before you you see an adult, reasoning sensibly and reasonably. It seems easy to reach understanding and solve problems with him. And literally the next day you become convinced that most of the agreements reached about helping with the housework, studying and returning home at the appointed time were not respected.

The reason for the discrepancy between promises and actions lies in the fact that adolescents often copy the external expression of feelings and social roles of adults. They try to experience for themselves what it is like to be independent, in charge, responsible, etc. Claiming adulthood, adolescents try to expand their rights and limit them in adults; they resist guardianship and control.

We can compare teenagers with two or three year olds who also like to imitate their elders. Children move a broom across the floor, just like mom does. But the understanding that the goal is not the movement of the rods on the floor, but cleanliness, comes to them later. Something similar happens to teenagers, but not at the level of everyday skills, but at the level of feelings, communication, and character traits.

The qualities that teenagers strive to possess are often superficial. One mother ironically told how her fourteen-year-old son understood independence: “Now for him we are like the monster from “The Scarlet Flower!” We must prepare everything, bring it, take it away, but not show ourselves, as if we were not there!”

Teenagers are often clumsy and rude, the reason for this often lies in the development of their body. Its sizes, proportions and functions change. And since the body for each of us is the starting point in the reflection of time and space, then until the nervous system gets used to the metamorphoses that have taken place, teenagers make mistakes in their perception of themselves and the world around them: they will hit a passenger in transport, not realizing their own dimensions; then, pledging to return from school in ten minutes, they appear on the doorstep an hour later.

The body is transformed not only in size - the child’s appearance is rapidly changing, he begins to realize his gender, and in order to accept a new quality he will need considerable additional emotions and strength. As a result of processes occurring in the body, a teenager’s awareness and self-regulation suffer. That is why, when agreeing on something with others, he is not always aware of how much effort and time he will need to fulfill his promise.

At this age, he is vulnerable and sensitive to our assessments and judgments. The situation is aggravated by the fact that it is precisely during this period that boys and girls are trying to show that they do not value other people’s opinions: they provoke us with their antics, conflicting demands and unsuccessful experiments to transform themselves.

Despite demonstrating their independence, teenagers especially need the support and approval of their elders. Therefore, over the next few years we will have to be patient and be forgiving of some of the shocking behavior of the grown-up child and his unexpected experiences.

Teenage negativism - a manifestation of love for adults

It is very upsetting for parents that their children, who just recently adored them wholeheartedly, suddenly become dissatisfied with absolutely everything. Now they don't like the way adults say what they think, how they dress and how they communicate. We tend to interpret this behavior from teenagers as competition with us. But still, the source of such intolerance is their deep, but idealized love for mom and dad.

For a small child, parents and many adults are ideally beautiful, good and smart people. Such idealization allows him to uncritically absorb all the experiences of his loved ones. The perception of elders as so omnipotent gives the baby a feeling of reliability and protection. But he grows up and suddenly notices that these are the most ordinary people: often immodest or timid, wasteful or greedy, anxious or careless... Moms and dads feel unbearably offended and hurt in the eyes of the child to “step down” from their pedestal. But for the teenager himself, such disappointment in elders becomes a real blow: he does not want to accept that he outgrows his teachers and parents in some issues. Teenagers struggle to maintain a disposition in which they are surrounded by people who are experienced, knowledgeable, and competent. That is why children perceive the weaknesses and shortcomings of adults with great difficulty and irritation, thereby showing adults their imperfections. So they try to return everything to its previous place - this is not rivalry, but a manifestation of disappointment that the parent is not the smartest, strongest, fairest and most beautiful person in the world.

Problems of academic performance and self-determination

In general, the difficulties and problems of adolescents are caused by their troubles in the family and school, and most often the causes of trouble are interrelated. If a teenager has slipped into bad grades, or even started drinking alcohol, etc., you should take a closer look at his relationship with his dad: does the teenager himself and, what is very important, his mother treat his father with respect and gratitude? It is important for mothers to remember that even if the father drank, beat and abused the mother, or left her with the child, it is important to find traits in him that are worthy of respect. This must be done not so much for the sake of the father, but for the sake of the child, so that he can accept and develop “masculine” qualities in himself that will allow him to live wisely and work successfully, and build a happy family.

Overt and hidden conflicts between parents have a very negative impact on a teenager’s well-being. Those parents who preserve a falling apart family “for the sake of the children,” while remaining in an estranged relationship with each other, do not achieve their goal. Having mastered the model of such relationships, a teenager will inevitably reproduce it in his own family.

A complete family, unfortunately, also does not always guarantee the full development of the child’s personality: if the father transfers his upbringing functions to the mother, then in the teenager he often discovers a being of indeterminate gender. For a teenager to have a normal gender identity, he needs the love of both: mother and father. Both boys and girls need unconditional love that does not depend on the children’s successes and achievements.

Contact with a teenager

We are all familiar with complaints that teenagers withdraw and withdraw into themselves. However, we do not even suspect that teenagers’ trust in us disappears not because of the complexity of their age, but as a result of our parental actions.

What leads to children becoming alienated from us?

First of all, we very often misinterpret their actions. For example, lately many mothers have come to me with the same complaint. Boys 13–15 years old pierce both ears and insert an earring into each. Women claim that this does not look manly, and they begin to suspect their sons of God knows what!

In this case, it is more important to think about how to help the boy feel his masculinity, and for this to understand what a real man is like - strong, brave, responsible! Then, probably, he will no longer need earrings.

We destroy relationships with our teenage children by projecting our own failures, fears, idiosyncrasies, and past mistakes onto them. For example, a dad who was once a punk is afraid that his daughter will associate with punks. A person who once used drugs suspects his children of the same thing. The fruits of such an attitude do not take long to appear - children move away because adults themselves have closed themselves off from them. Parents did not know the real inner world of their child, which was hidden behind their own fears, disappointments and images from the past.

What is the typical reaction of parents to such behavior of a child? Unfortunately, although quite understandable, it is fruitless and destructive: the parents allow themselves rude shouts and humiliating accusations, do not allow his friends home, and so on. And although behind our indignation and dissatisfaction are our own mistakes made in the past, our sincere concern for the future of the child and love for him - all this remains incomprehensible to a teenager.

He knows nothing about our inner experiences, feelings and fears - we have lost mutual trust and spiritual closeness with him, and by splashing out our irritation, we do not convey to our children the true reasons for our concern and anxiety for them. And children, not understanding the reasons for the indignation of adults, become isolated in themselves, deprived of love, understanding, support and help precisely when they need it most.

Advice for parents of teenagers

First of all, you need to try to build communication with a teenager in the form of a dialogue, when the parties are sure to hear each other! Moreover, the main emphasis should be on the child’s actions, but not on assessing him.

When accepting the independence of a teenager, do not reduce it to permissiveness, remember: a teenager’s needs for freedom do not correspond to his responsibility - unfortunately, we often forget about a simple and very important attitude in education: “You are responsible for what you do and for what you do.” you choose!”

Teach your child to cope with his own difficulties, let him set goals on his own and determine ways to achieve them.

Help him build his own reasonable path in life, and don’t try to walk it for him!

© Magazine "Grapes".

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What should parents absolutely not do when interacting with a teenager?

• 1. Pressure and criticize. This is the worst thing parents of teenagers can do. No matter how badly a girl behaves in the opinion of her mother, father or teachers, it will not be possible to achieve improvement through excessive pressure and criticism. This will only worsen the situation and destroy the child’s self-esteem.
• 2. Prohibit. At this time, girls tend to do the opposite. The more strictly parents prohibit their daughter from smoking, drinking alcohol and “making love,” the more she wants to break the prohibitions.

It is much better to tell her about the consequences. For example, work on the weekend in a shelter for drug addicts, alcoholics or young single mothers.

• 3. Let everything take its course. But the opposite behavior will not bring fruitful results. The tactic “Let him drink wine at home, not in the gateway” can also lead to alcoholism.
• 4. Set a bad example. To instill good habits in your child and protect him from everything bad, you must first take care of yourself. Parents should not smoke, drink alcohol, eat junk food, or abuse each other or their children. Then the daughter will have an idea of ​​correct behavior and a happy family.
• 5. Use violence. Whatever a teenage girl does, she should never be beaten. Never!

It is generally accepted that adolescence for girls is a difficult period in the life of a child and his parents.
But, you can forget about stereotypes and remember that this is the time when a girl turns into a woman. Why not take this as another happy period in the life of a family, when its adult members can support their child, show him their love and understanding. There is no doubt that such an attitude will cause a positive reaction from the teenager and will smooth out many difficulties. Did you like the article? Share with your friends: