What to do if you are in a relationship with an infantile man
An infantile man in a relationship is not the worst option for family life, but a woman should try if she wants to see a mature, courageous, independent person next to her. You may be touched by his touchingness, originality, sensitivity, romance, but know that your union will depend only on the mood of your partner. It will happen - catch the euphoria, if it won’t - get ready to cry.
Sooner or later, every companion of an infantile man has an irresistible desire to change his partner. Why? Because it is natural for a girl to develop her feminine side next to a guy, but next to an immature chosen one, only the maternal side develops. This is fundamentally wrong, the woman feels that she is “burning out”, failing, doing something wrong. As a result, she tries to convey to her companion that he is wrong, that the relationship is going downhill, she is not satisfied, receiving only indifference and a wave of indignation in response. “I’m fine, if you have any problems, solve them yourself!”
How to get a man out of a child?
- Be patient, you will need it. Understand that infantilism has been formed, grown and strengthened over the years, so it will not be possible to re-educate an obnoxious guy in a week. You will also have to change yourself to achieve the desired goal.
- In order not to frighten off your infantile partner with pressure, instill masculine qualities in him quietly, gradually. For example, stay late at work, let the man meet you (how brave), prepare dinner (caring), make up the bed (attentive).
- Stop taking the “adult” position in your relationship with an infantile man. Down with excessive care, let him learn to do everything himself. He will not die if he makes himself a sandwich in the morning, hangs his shirt in the closet after work, puts a clean pillowcase on the pillow, comes to pay utilities, etc. Just make it a rule not to command, not to demand, not to ask.
- Stop making family decisions alone; first give this right to your partner. In this way, you instill in him the useful habit of taking responsibility. Let it all start with the little things: make a grocery list for the week, choose a movie to watch in the evening, choose a day to go to the dentist, think over a menu for the upcoming holiday, etc.
- Take off your men's trousers and your mother's headscarf and become the weak woman in a relationship. Be a little capricious, ask for a surprise, kiss whenever you want, “get sick” so that they will look after you, etc.
- Come up with new traditions together, choose a joint hobby, passion, or weekend activity. Motivate an infantile man, encourage his endeavors, successes, and aspirations. Celebrate his good mood, praise his achievements and avoid criticism. Remember that such guys are quite vulnerable and touchy.
- Help him with his own self-realization. If no job is “suitable” for an infantile guy, push him towards it. Carefully, tactfully, and wisely focus on your partner’s strengths and skills. “Has anyone told you that you have a unique oratorical talent? The position of purchasing manager would be ideal for you,” “By the way, you have very strong hands, you would become an indispensable door/window installer,” etc.
If you already have children, make it a rule to treat your husband with respect in their presence. Always! In private, even beat him with a rolling pin, but in front of the children, don’t dare question the father’s authority. Dad is the strongest, smartest, brave, kind, beloved. The classical hierarchy obliges you to play roles! Plus, don’t put children and adults on the same level, it’s wrong. They are not competitors. The father is the head of the family, the children are small members of the social unit. Everyone has their own rights and responsibilities.
Remember that the motto of an infantile man is: “He who is lucky, rides.” He is used to living like this, this is his natural habitat. So if you are determined to change the course of events, do not give in to manipulation, realize what you want to the end. Good luck!
Useful video from Denis Kostash:
Who are infantile men and where do they come from?
An infantile guy is able to charm his companion at first sight. He is usually charming, cheerful, intriguing, and easy-going. A girl may think such a partner is ideal: being with him is fun, interesting and you will never get bored. Eyes open when relationships move to the next level. After all, the relationship changes, but the partner remains the same: an optional, frivolous dreamer who is unable to give anything but beautiful phrases. Following admiration and tenderness come irritation, disappointment, anger, devastation, anger.
It is useless to demand that an infantile man grow up - their psychological development remains at the level of a boy. Just as it is impossible to ask a bird to be silent, the sun to stop shining, or the sea to stop worrying. The child has not been taught to interact with adults, he has neither the knowledge, nor experience, nor internal resources, but most importantly, he has no desire.
What causes a man’s infantile behavior? Like most social problems, the origins of immaturity stretch back to childhood. There can be a lot of reasons: an unprocessed early loss of a loved one (the grandmother died, and the child was left alone with grief), a dysfunctional environment (an authoritarian alcoholic father, a wandering mother), a dysfunctional family (lack of an example of a male image), etc.
Psychologists have identified the most common causes of male emotional inhibition:
- a dominant mother, telling the child how to live, with whom to build relationships, where to work, what kind of sport to play, suppressing any initiative (arguing is prohibited, otherwise punishment is inevitable);
- overprotection on the part of parents, when the child is forbidden to make decisions, act according to circumstances, analyze what is happening (this happens when the only son grows up in a family);
- systematic quarrels between adults in front of children: constant emotional tension leads the boy to stress, which forces him to repress reality (as a result, he grows up to be a closed man, asking for a positive assessment for his behavior, afraid to express his opinion, etc.);
- the desire to remain in childhood as long as possible: there are men who do not want to fly out of the family nest, although the parents have long been ready to let their child go (and why: mom cooks deliciously, dad tells funny stories at dinner, the bedroom is cozy, no one nags for bedtime parties).
Infantile men are different, a lot depends on the root cause of infantilism, the standard of living and the character of the chosen one. This could be a gullible boy, a faulty romantic, a spoiled selfish bully, a bore, an important little uncle masquerading as an adult. If everything is clear with the above types, then the last type causes the most disappointment. Such infantile men in relationships are able to present themselves effectively, brightly, maturely, which arouses admiration from the opposite sex. What a shame it is when a weak boy hides behind his appearance, who only deceives, gets out, makes empty promises, and shifts responsibility onto the woman.
Infantile men are people who cannot and do not want to grow up. Whatever type you meet, you must remember this fundamental statement and not feed yourself with illusions.
