What is beauty?
Inaccessible to many parameters 90-60-90 and ideal facial features?
But no! And today we will prove to you that you shouldn’t feel complex because of non-compliance with generally accepted canons of beauty.
Australian photographer, Amy Herman, decided to break stereotypes and show the whole world that every representative of the fair sex is charming in her own way. To do this, she created a photo book project in which 100 women with less than ideal appearance took part.
Angelina Jolie
This successful actress was considered the most beautiful in the world. The admiration for her appearance continues to this day. However, in recent years, Jolie has suffered a lot of stress associated with the breakup. This worsened not only the star’s health, but also her appearance. This was especially noticeable in his emaciated and bony legs. Now Angelina is doing well, and she is acting in films again
How are liberation and pleasure related?
The less you are constrained by complexes and fears, the easier it is for you to relax and trust your partner. Without being distracted by oppressive thoughts, you completely focus on the sensations. This significantly increases the chances of quickly achieving a bright and memorable organism.
People without complexes are not afraid to experiment, try different positions, and use sex gadgets. Their intimate life always remains intense, and they themselves enjoy a reputation as wonderful lovers.
If you feel that you have room to grow, take the online course “Secrets of Women’s Happiness.” Here you will learn to value yourself, get rid of blocks associated with sexuality, and understand how to maintain passion in a long-term relationship.
In the meantime, tell us what you do to get rid of sexual blocks?
How to get rid of complexes in bed
All complexes, including those of a sexual nature, come from the past. Many people are embarrassed to discuss their intimate life even with close friends, not to mention the fact that it is psychologically very difficult for them to feel relaxed in bed with their loved one.
Most people, especially women, find it difficult to admit that their sex life leaves much to be desired. The reasons for such dissatisfaction can be very different, and sometimes it can be very difficult to “pull” them out.
The information that is laid down by parents in childhood is not always useful for future sexual life. In most families, girls are convinced that love can only be made with their husband, and some parents speak of sex as a forbidden, dirty and shameful activity. It is not surprising that, having matured, a girl begins to experience embarrassment and internal discomfort when she finds herself in bed with her lover. An obsessive feeling of shame and guilt for one’s “shameful” behavior occurs every time during intimacy, preventing one from relaxing and truly experiencing sexual pleasure.
In this case, you should calmly analyze all the attitudes about physical intimacy that you received in childhood. Understand that your parents probably wanted to simply protect your growing up from inevitable mistakes in communicating with men. If you have a loved one next to you, it’s time to finally get rid of the stereotypes of your “girlish” upbringing and understand that sex is a great way to get pleasure, especially if you have tender feelings towards each other.
Quite often, the cause of complexes in the intimate sphere is trauma received in childhood. Perhaps you were constantly teased at school because of your extra pounds, and your parents affectionately called you “chubby” or “fat.” Even if you have managed to lose weight significantly since then, the psychological label of “fat” will “pop up” during intimacy with a man.
Do not forget that a man, especially a man in love, sees in you only what you yourself want to show him. If you constantly feel constrained and insecure, it will be difficult for him to reveal your natural sexuality. It's no secret that men like women who are relaxed in bed, who are not shy about receiving and giving pleasure to their partner. Try to forget all the unpleasant memories that have long had nothing to do with your current reality. Believe me, if a man wants intimacy with you, it means that in his eyes you are the most beautiful, desirable and sexy woman in the world.
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Help for everyone without exception
Where does it all begin? From propaganda. From childhood, a small child is instilled with the idea that he must sacrifice, help, and renounce his own desires for the benefit and happiness of those around him. Heroes often grow up in families of the same heroes, who are ready to sacrifice even their relatives in order to save everyone without exception.
Everyone needs to help, even if you are not asked to do so. Offer a helping hand and be polite. Try this as a new approach at work and see how important it is for your reputation and career. If you see someone in trouble, even if it's just someone who has spilled their shopping, offer to help. If he doesn't mind, he will accept your help, and if not... Well, you tried, and that's the main thing.
Try to see the situation from someone else's point of view, sympathize with other people's problems. You should not solve them for others. This means taking the time to make sure the people around you are okay. To support your community, you need to be interested, understand what is going on, play a role, stop complaining and become a part of trying to change something.
Hero in Karpman's triangle?
In a relationship model called the Karpman Triangle, the Hero corresponds to the “Savior.”
“A rescuer is a rather complex figure from a psychological point of view. He has a desire to show aggression, which he stubbornly suppresses. For one reason or another, this person cannot transition to the status of the Persecutor, and therefore he has to look for another use for his unused resources. He finds his purpose in protecting the Victim. It is worth noting that the ultimate goal of the Rescuer is not at all to get the Victim out of a “distressed” situation. In this case, he risks losing the path of his self-realization. And it lies in the fact that the Rescuer shows hidden aggression towards the Persecutor under the pretext of protecting the Victim. From this we can conclude that it is not beneficial for him to leave the triangle.”
In fact, to summarize what has been said, the Hero (Savior) is the same aggressor, only directing his aggression towards another aggressor (Persecutor).
As a rule, the Hero complex is associated with suppressed aggressiveness. A heroic act allows you to direct your own aggressiveness in, let’s say, a “positive direction.” The only question is, doesn’t the Hero create artificial channels (doesn’t he himself create situations in which heroism can be shown), and doesn’t he himself create the Persecutor, in order to then turn all the evil on him?
It turns out that neither the Aggressor nor the Defender are positive figures in relationships. Both feed on hatred and aggression, both strive for self-affirmation. Only the vectors are directed in different directions. Now we can take a different look at Christ’s commandment to “turn your left cheek.” Otherwise, we will not be able to escape from the limitations of the Karpman triangle.
Women “without complexes”
I have always been tormented by the question: why is a free and sexually liberated woman the most hated creature for many men? On the one hand, they are looking for them, claiming that they want a relationship “without obligations,” but on the other hand, having found them, they hate them and try to humiliate them.
Why are there so many public places like “chicken” or “skinnery” or “male state”, where hatred simply goes beyond all reasonable limits? After all, logically, the more available and passionate women, the better for men! But no. The majority treat liberated women with a strong sexual constitution with, at best, rejection and fear. And at worst - with the militant slogan “whores must suffer.”
At the same time, such mass hatred is not expected towards prostitutes. Men meekly pay them money, sometimes equal to one-fifth or one-sixth of their income per hour! They are not offended by photoshop, or photos with a mask and from the back. They forgive manipulations with age, height, weight. They even forgive some rudeness, and the angrily ringing alarm clock by the bed, notifying you that it’s time for you to leave. And after all this they continue to call the ladies of the demimonde gentle fairies.
I thought about this paradox for a long time until one article caught my eye. In it, a man described in detail, on 20 pages, his complaints about liberated women without complexes. And if we retell them briefly, this is what we get.
When you get married (especially for families with a strict upbringing, or Muslim countries), then you, as it were, officially acquire the girl’s body and herself for use. That's it, she's yours, you can do whatever you want, and the girl must be submissive.
When you buy a prostitute, you also buy her body, though not for life, but for an hour. And the prostitute is also submissive to you, and if she is a high-class prostitute, then she is obliged to pretend to be sympathetic. You are its owner again, even if only for an hour or two, you get the pleasure of owning it without spending time and money on operation.
When you met and went to bed with a woman without complexes, you do not possess anyone or anything. Her body does not belong to you, her free will is to do something or not to do, to choose you or another, to meet you again, or to leave. You didn’t buy her, didn’t acquire her, didn’t force her, and therefore you don’t have any power, and such desired sex doesn’t bring you any relief, as if it wasn’t you, but you, who was fucked.
This thought seemed common sense - otherwise, why do they hate liberated women with a large number of partners so much, instead of being happy that they exist? What do you think?
Hero complex
The Hero complex is the most promoted and attractive for men and women. It arises on the basis of obsessive desires and ideas, which only gain their strength over time.
Mother Teresa is a heroine who gave up her own desires in order to help everyone in need. Superheroes from movies and cartoons also sacrifice their own happiness, time and energy to save everyone who needs it. Modern fiction stories are built on heroes and villains, and in order to be good in the eyes of society, audiences must take their cues from the heroes.
Where does it all begin? From propaganda. From childhood, a small child is instilled with the idea that he must sacrifice, help, and renounce his own desires for the benefit and happiness of those around him. Heroes often grow up in families of the same heroes, who are ready to sacrifice even their relatives in order to save everyone without exception.
The hero complex is the other side of the victim complex, and childhood psychological trauma, when parents impose behavioral stereotypes without regard for the child’s desires and feelings, is the reason for this. If a child often suffers humiliation and beatings from his parents, then in his dreams he can imagine how he will compensate for the feeling of humiliation with some heroic act that will force others to change their attitude towards him. At an older age, this develops into a desire to protect from villains everyone who, like him, tolerates bad treatment.
A girl without complexes about sex
It's no secret that the greatest pleasure from sex comes from the so-called girls without complexes. They are happy with their body, confident in themselves, genuinely enjoy their sexuality and are not embarrassed by literally anything. But for some reason there aren’t that many girls like this. After all, almost each of us will definitely have at least one or two sex complexes. Some people don’t like their own breasts, some are embarrassed by their genitals, and some even consider themselves an insufficiently skilled lover.
Modern girls are real perfectionists when it comes to sex. That is why we so diligently and closely monitor that the intimate hairstyle is ideal, the sex position during sex is beautiful, the face is sensual, and the blowjob is skillful.
And this only aggravates women’s complexes. The more you try to be perfect in sex, the less you allow yourself to relax and be yourself.
WomanJournal.ru offers to shed the ballast of boring sex complexes!
Recoding old sex complexes
Another way to get rid of complexes in sex is to find out where they came from and recode them. For example, your parents instilled in you that “sex is dirt and abomination” and that “a decent girl will not allow herself to do this.” Do you remember when, how and under what circumstances you had this conversation? Great! This means you can easily recode your memories into positive ones!
To do this, retire to a room. Lie down on the bed or sit in a comfortable chair and relax. Close your eyes and recall the scene that caused your complex. Imagine watching a movie about yourself from the outside in a movie theater. If that scene is still unpleasant for you, just “sit” in the farthest row, away from the movie screen. Even if this doesn’t help, imagine that the person saying the most unpleasant words to you is in the voice of Donald Duck or President Yeltsin. To devalue unpleasant experiences, it is enough to simply make the picture funny.
And then do the most important thing: recode the old memory into the one you need. For example, if in your memories your parents scold you and say: “Sex is dirty. Sex only causes problems,” imagine in all its colors how they tell you something exactly the opposite. For example: “Sex is wonderful! This is an expression of love and the culmination of intimacy between two loving people! Sex brings joy and pleasure."
After this, open your eyes and return to your normal state. You will be surprised, but such a simple workout is enough to get rid of the old sex complex and feel much better!
Photo: Shutterstock
