Father Dmitry, please tell us about the wedding ceremony. In what case should you get married? What responsibilities are imposed on spouses after the wedding ceremony? Alexei.

A wedding is a blessing from God to those getting married in the Orthodox and Catholic churches.

It is believed that after the wedding, the married couple will be together even in heaven, remain faithful and purify their souls for life together.

It is very important to give birth to married children, since this directly affects their life and destiny.

Those couples who decide to get married must be baptized. Be aware of the fact that divorce is unacceptable after this ceremony.

It is considered a great sin to separate after the wedding, since you made a promise before God.

In modern times, where most couples divorce more often than they get married, it is better to get married after several years of marriage.

This way you will not sin and break your vow of fidelity. I think this is correct, because you can get married without difficulty, but you still need to be able to live together. There are many opinions on this matter, and you can also discuss them on the forum.

Become interested in church. You should not smile or listen inattentively to the priest.

You must take the issue seriously, because it will not work for the good if you just came to pay tribute to fashion or because it’s supposed to be so.

Your guests should also behave decently, not walk around the church and not turn their backs to the iconostasis.

You and your guests should pray during the wedding for you and your marriage.

If you cannot vouch for your guests, then go through the wedding ceremony only with your husband and witnesses.

We will tell you how to prepare for the wedding, how the ceremony works and everything you need to know.

The essence of a wedding

In the modern world, unfortunately, many people misinterpret the very essence of the sacrament and treat this church rite as a fashionable and beautiful event that can brighten up the solemn wedding day. Without even thinking about the fact that a wedding is not a simple formality. Only those people who believe in the eternity of marriage on earth and in heaven should take this step. And such a decision can be made only with mutual consent, as a conscious and well-thought-out act. We should not forget that the rite refers to one of the seven sacraments, as a result of which the grace of the Holy Spirit is transmitted to a person, and this happens in an invisible way.

Over whom is the sacrament performed?

Today, marriage is one of the seven sacraments of the Christian Church. It is done to Christians. The future husband and wife must certainly have the same Christian hope. And this, at first glance, obvious fact today acquires special significance and requires special attention. The question is very often asked: “Is it possible to get married in the Russian Orthodox Church? What to do if one of the spouses is also a Christian, but not an Old Believer.” Those entering into marriage should understand that a church sacrament can only be performed over two people professing true Orthodoxy, that is, over people who have been baptized according to the canons of the Fathers, leading a Christian lifestyle, having a spiritual father, regularly going to confession, that is, people living in the Church . And since only one Church can be true, weddings, as well as participation in other sacraments in any other denominations, including the Russian Orthodox Church, are not permissible.

And if one of the future spouses is not yet an Old Believer, then before entering into marriage it is necessary to first decide on the issue of accepting baptism or completing the already completed immersion with confirmation. The “second half” should also become a child of the Old Believer Church, and only then can the question of marriage arise. It is logical and correct if this is exactly the case, and not vice versa. A Christian Old Believer who consciously neglects his stay in the Church of Christ and voluntarily resorts to participating in the celebration of the sacraments in any other denomination that does not have prayerful communication with the Church, thus separates himself from the Church. Subsequently, if this Christian wishes to return to the Church, he is subject to rites in accordance with church canons.

Nowadays, there are many cases of “unmarried” and “mixed” marriages, when, due to lack of awareness, the cohabitation of two people, even once baptized in childhood, but who did not attach due importance to it, begins without a church blessing or after marriage in another denomination. If a Christian enters into cohabitation without a church blessing (with anyone), this is for him the sin of fornication, and this sin is healed according to the appropriate church rules. If an Old Believer Christian marries a person of a different faith according to the customs of someone else’s confession, this is for him a sin of falling away from the Church, the legality of such a marriage requires separate consideration. However, it is worth noting that the Church has a priority of preserving the already begun union of two people, but in every possible way calls both of them to a full church life: that is, to repentance and, if necessary, the churching of the “other half.”

There is also such a thing as a second marriage, when “for the sake of human weakness” two people who were widowed or received a church divorce enter into marriage. Such a family union is also carried out with the blessing of the church, while the spouses are certainly given penance. Rare, but still there are cases of third marriage, which is extremely undesirable. However, in order to somehow legitimize such a union and distinguish it from prodigal cohabitation, there is a special prayer for those entering into a third marriage. Of course, the divine service at the conclusion of such a marriage does not have the same solemnity as the wedding of those who are getting married for the first time.

Wedding rules

If, nevertheless, the relationship in a couple is time-tested, the feelings are deep, and the desire to perform the ceremony is well weighed, then it is worth familiarizing yourself with the conditions without which a wedding in the Orthodox Church is impossible. The rules are mandatory:

The basis for a wedding is a marriage certificate.
The main role in the family is given to the husband, who must love his wife selflessly. And the wife must obey her husband of her own free will.

It is the husband who has the responsibility to maintain the family's connection with the church. Debunking is allowed only in the most urgent situations, for example, when one of the spouses cheats or in case of mental illness. By the way, the latter can also become a reason for refusal of a wedding.

In ancient times, there was a custom when young people submitted a petition to a priest for a wedding, he announced this at a people's meeting, and only after a lapse of time, if there were no people who could report the impossibility of marriage, was the ceremony carried out.

The total number of weddings a person has throughout his life cannot exceed three times.

Only baptized young people and their witnesses are allowed to participate in the ceremony; everyone must wear a pectoral cross.

If one of those getting married does not know whether he has been baptized or not, it is imperative to discuss this issue with the priest. As a rule, a positive answer is possible if the young people agree to give birth and raise children, following Orthodox traditions.

Age restrictions: a man must be at least 18 years old, and a woman must be at least 16.

Wedding is a primordial Christian rite, therefore people professing another religion (Muslims, Jews, Buddhists, etc.), as well as atheists, are not allowed to participate in it.

A ban on weddings is imposed if the bride and groom are related, even in the fourth generation. And it is undesirable to enter into a marriage between godparents and godchildren.

If one of the newlyweds has a secondary marriage, the wedding is prohibited.

But circumstances such as the wife’s pregnancy, or if the newlyweds do not have parental blessing, are not grounds for refusing the wedding.

Is it possible to get married without registering with the registry office?

Getting married in a church is not the responsibility of every newly created married couple.
The decision of young people depends on the degree of their religiosity. Due to the fact that a church marriage is not equivalent to a legal one, it cannot be concluded between two people who are officially free in relation to each other. That is, citizens who have not signed with the registry office cannot get married, since they do not have a marriage certificate.

Providing this document to the priest is a mandatory condition for the wedding. In the absence of evidence, in most cases, the man and woman are denied the Sacrament.

As the modern rules of the Russian Orthodox Church (ROC) state, the wedding ceremony is carried out only after registration of the relationship with the civil registry office.

Therefore, before agreeing to enter into a church marriage, a young couple should submit an application to the registry office. Then, after a month, come with the necessary documents and sign.

In return, department employees will issue an official marriage certificate. It is not necessary to arrange a full-fledged wedding within the walls of the registry office if the bride and groom plan to perform the rite of the Sacrament.

In practice, it is very common for married men to get married in a church with women who are not their official spouses.

To avoid such cases of polygamy, which Orthodoxy categorically does not accept, the priest is required to ask people for a document from the registry office. This attitude confirms a certain agreement between the state and the church and brings order to the process of family formation.

When can the wedding take place?

According to the Orthodox calendar, weddings can be held throughout the year, with the exception of days of major fasts - Nativity (from November 28 to January 6), Great Lent (seven weeks before Easter), Peter's Lent (from the second Monday after Trinity to July 12), Dormition ( from August 14 to 27), Maslenitsa, on the eve of all major church holidays. Wedding ceremonies are held on Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Sunday. But, according to popular belief, Wednesday and Friday are not suitable for performing the sacrament. It’s also better to avoid getting married on the 13th.

But the happiest periods for marriage are considered to be the periods after the Intercession in the fall, from Epiphany to Maslenitsa in the winter, between Petrov and the Dormition Lent in the summer, and on Krasnaya Gorka in the spring.

Many couples want to get married on the day of official marriage registration, but this cannot be called correct. Priests, as a rule, dissuade young people from such hasty actions. It is best when couples get married on their wedding anniversary or after the birth of children. The later this happens, the more conscious this act will be. The wedding year will be a memorable event that will testify to the sincerity of feelings and confidence in family ties.

Preparation for the wedding

The process of preparing for such a ritual as a wedding in the Orthodox Church is also of particular importance. The rules are also present here.

The very first thing that needs to be done is to decide on the church and the priest who will conduct the ceremony. This is quite a responsible task, since the choice must be made with the soul. Young people in the temple should feel comfortable and calm, only in this way will the whole process be of truly great significance. Whether it will be a small church or a majestic cathedral depends primarily on the wishes of the newlyweds; absolutely the entire atmosphere of the holy place should harmoniously fit not only into the spiritual essence of the ceremony, but also correspond to the mental state of the young couple who have decided to link their fate forever.

You also need to talk to the priest, discuss not only organizational issues, but also take a closer look at each other, find a common language - this is also very important for the ritual. Many priests pay special attention to talking with the newlyweds; sometimes they may advise postponing the procedure or holding off, then the priest’s advice should be heeded.

Also, what is important, not all priests have the right to perform wedding ceremonies; for example, those who have been tonsured as monks and are under canonical prohibitions are prohibited from doing so. Sometimes the ceremony, at the request of a young couple, can be performed by a clergyman from another church or cathedral, if, for example, he is their spiritual father.

Basic requirements for those getting married

Those wishing to get married must certainly be baptized in the Orthodox Church. If one or both spouses are not baptized, this can be done before the wedding - the main thing is to agree on everything in advance;
The marriage must be registered in accordance with the law of the Russian Federation - before the ceremony, you must enter into a civil marriage at the registry office. Also check to see if you need to bring a marriage certificate with you, as many churches require it;
Before the ritual, you must confess and take communion.
If there is a significant difference in the age of the newlyweds, you must first obtain special permission from the bishop;
Same-sex marriages, marriages between step-relatives, half-brothers and half-siblings are prohibited.
According to the instructions of the church calendar, weddings are not held on certain days of the week (Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday), as well as on the eve of great church holidays and temple days. They don’t get married on Christmastide or fasting.

Organizational aspects of the ceremony

It is necessary to agree with the priest on the date and time for which the Orthodox wedding is scheduled. The rules of church life oblige this. Sometimes several couples can get married in a church at the same time; this nuance also needs to be discussed. You should be concerned if several cameramen will be taking photos and videos at the wedding, so that there is no confusion and this does not spoil the entire ceremony.

A week before the wedding, the newlyweds must begin to fast: do not eat meat, do not drink alcohol, do not smoke, and abstain from marital intimacy. Before the wedding, the newlyweds must attend a service, confess and receive communion.

It is also necessary to worry in advance about purchasing icons of the Savior and the Mother of God, which must be consecrated, wedding rings, which must be given to the priest before the ceremony, candles, two white towels and four handkerchiefs. It should be noted that according to church canons, rings should be bought for the groom from gold, for the bride from silver. As a rule, the acquisition of all necessary attributes is entrusted to witnesses.

The tradition of using icons in wedding ceremonies also has ancient historical roots. Since ancient times, parents blessed their children using holy icons: a son - Christ the Savior, a daughter - the Mother of God, thus giving guidance on the true path.

It is customary to leave a reward for performing a wedding ceremony; you should also ask the priest about money. If the couple does not have the financial ability to pay the entire amount, you can talk about it. Sometimes the amount is not announced at all, and the priest offers to give alms to the church, in the amount that is possible for the newlyweds.

How to prepare for the ritual

The most important aspect is to be in a harmonious state of mind and sincerely desire to perform this ritual.

In addition, the newlyweds will need to fast three days before the wedding. Confession and communion are also performed before the wedding.

By default, the wedding starts at twelve o'clock at night, from this time you need to refrain from drinking food, water, alcoholic beverages and not smoking. Sexual contacts are prohibited.

Upon arrival at the church, the newlyweds will first need to confess and receive communion, and then change into a special wedding attire.

Choosing an outfit for the bride

Regarding the bride's wedding dress, which she will wear to a wedding in the Orthodox Church, the rules are as follows:

the dress should not be very tight or short, but too fluffy and chic outfits are also not suitable;
In no case should the shoulders, neckline or arms above the elbows be exposed;
you can use a cape that will cover exposed parts of the body;
the outfit should be white or another pale color;
the head must be covered, for this a scarf or veil is used;
Do not use too bright makeup or a rich aroma of perfume;
Instead of a wedding bouquet, the bride should have a wedding candle in her hands.

You should also take care of your shoes in advance; closed-toe shoes with low heels are best, because the wedding ceremony lasts about an hour, the bride should feel comfortable throughout this time.

There is a very interesting belief. The bride's dress must have a long train. According to folk legend, the longer the train, the more time the young couple will be together. If a train is not provided in the outfit, it can be attached only for the duration of the wedding.

Also, when a wedding takes place in an Orthodox church, the rules apply to the appearance of all guests present. Women should wear dresses or skirts with their knees covered; they should also not expose their neckline or arms; their heads should be covered with a scarf or scarf. It is not necessary for all wedding guests to be present at the wedding ceremony; these can be people who truly believe in the sacrament of the ceremony and treat this process sincerely. To maintain formality, it is better not to attend such events, but to come only to the banquet.

Wedding ceremony

The wedding always begins only after the service. The ceremony consists of two stages: the first is the betrothal, the wedding is the second stage. In the past they were separated by time. After the engagement, the couple could separate if there were reasons for it; the wedding could take place only if the feelings were strong and sincere, because the husband and wife chose each other not only for earthly life, but forever. In the modern rite, both components of the ceremony occur on the same day.

How the ceremony goes

The process includes engagement and wedding. It is worth remembering that during the ceremony the priest calls the newlyweds by the names given to them at baptism. Those getting married are engaged in front of the entrance to the temple.

The fact that the betrothal takes place directly in the church means that the groom receives the bride from God himself. The church orders the betrothed to stand in front of the doors of the temple to explain that the engagement is taking place in the face of God, and the priest at this time portrays the Lord our God Jesus Christ.

The bride should stand on the left hand of the groom. The priest blesses them and gives the young people lighted candles, which they must hold until the end of the ceremony. After reading the prayer, he puts the ring on first the groom, then the bride, making the sign of the cross for each. After this, the newlyweds exchange rings.

The groom, putting his ring on the bride's hand, shows his readiness to love her, sacrifice everything to his wife and help until the end of her life. The bride, exchanging her ring with her future husband, shows her readiness to accept his help, love him and be devoted to her husband all her life. The newlyweds exchange rings three times, in honor and glory of the Holy Trinity (in some churches the priest himself changes the rings).

After this, the priest reads a prayer to the Lord to bless the bride and groom, overshadow the position of the rings with a heavenly blessing and send them a Guardian Angel. After this, the engagement ends.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=sfalgWkMeXc

The young people enter the temple following the priest, go to the center where the sacrament will take place. The text of the wedding is described verbatim in the church book - the Trebnik. The bride and groom stand on a white towel in front of the lectern. After this, the priest asks each of them whether they are marrying of their own free will, and whether there are any obstacles to the ceremony. Having received an affirmative answer, the priest reads prayers, takes the crowns and prayerfully places them on the heads of the young people, and the Holy Scripture is read.

After reading short prayers, a communion cup filled with red wine is brought. The priest blesses her for the spouses to communicate and gives her three times to drink wine from a common cup. After this, the young people bandage their hands and lead them around the lectern three times, accompanying the procession with the singing of the accompanying troparions. This walk marks the beginning of the eternal walk of husband and wife.

The ceremony ends with the newlyweds being brought to the Royal Doors, where they kiss the icons and the cross. Then the priest hands over the icons: to the husband - the face of the Savior, to the wife - the face of the Most Holy Theotokos. The guests congratulate the spouses.

After the wedding, the celebration continues at the table. The festive meal should be quiet and modest, without drinking and excessive fun.

Wedding

The priest takes the couple into the temple and places them in front of the lectern on a white towel. The man and woman are asked whether they came here of their own free will and whether there are any obstacles to getting married. Witnesses take the crowns in their hands and hold them over the heads of the bride and groom. It should be noted here that this is not so easy to do, especially if the witnesses are short and the young people are tall, and the ceremony time is no less than forty minutes in city churches, and if the ceremony is held in a monastery, then more than an hour. Therefore, it is advisable to choose higher witnesses. After the prayers are read, the newlyweds are brought out a cup of wine, which they must drink three times as a symbol of the fact that from that moment everything in the couple will be shared equally - both happiness and bitterness.

The bride should be warned: while drinking wine from a cup, a situation may arise when the veil gets very close to the candle and ignition occurs. To prevent this from happening, it is advisable to worry in advance about the length of the veil, which should not be too long.

The hands of the newlyweds are tied with a white towel and they are circled around the lectern three times. At this time the church choir is singing. The priest leads the couple to the Royal Doors of the altar and reads the edification for eternal life together. After the wedding, all the guests begin to congratulate the newlyweds, and the bell rings, signaling the birth of a young family.

If the newlyweds want to capture a wedding for a long time, photography and video shooting can be done with the permission of the priest. It is best to agree on exactly where the operator should be and how best to stand or move. Usually, churches and cathedrals have quite specific lighting, therefore, in order to ensure that the quality of the shooting does not disappoint later, it is advisable to contact a good specialist. There are cases when photography is strictly prohibited, then in order for a memorable event to remain in the family archives, you can take photographs against the backdrop of a cathedral or temple.

How are wedding ceremonies regulated?

In this article, shaman Vladislav Viktorovich answers the reader’s question “How is the wedding ceremony regulated?”

Perhaps a wedding is one of the most significant, joyful and beautiful Christian rites, which, with its sublime atmosphere, inspires even those simply present at it with a feeling of joy and love, not to mention the young people who have decided to seal their union before God.

The wedding itself is defined as a church service during which the Sacrament of Marriage is performed: a Christian marriage is blessed and sanctified. In an Orthodox marriage, each spouse must take his place. The husband should be the head of the family, responsible for the direction of family life, for its well-being and strength. The wife must build family life, not allowing everyday vanity to destroy her spiritual foundation. To summarize what has been said, we can say that a woman is the soul of any family, and a man is the body.

From the time of Peter I until March 1917. For absolutely all Orthodox residents of the Russian state, only a marriage concluded in a church through a wedding was considered valid. In today's society, church marriage is not mandatory, because... actually has no legal force, but a huge number of newlyweds seek to register their union in the church. True, the motivation of all couples is completely different, some pay tribute to fashion, while others follow parental instructions. Still others consider this simply necessary for further family life, according to their inner convictions.

In this article I would like to provide explanations on some issues regarding this ritual in order to help young people who are just thinking about a family to take the right steps.

When is the best time to get married?

Many couples today combine official registration in the registry office and a wedding in a church on the same day. This, in my opinion, is not quite the right decision on several counts. A wedding is, in principle, a celebration of two; calm and tranquility should be at its core, and not the noisy celebration of guests.

Another parameter is that this ritual requires some preparation, and you already have enough trouble. It’s true that many people object and say, one thing more, one thing less, what’s the difference? But it turns out that if you do everything according to the rules, then there will really be quite a lot of trouble.

In addition, the question of time arises, I mean that you should very accurately calculate where and how long you will be for the entire wedding day. One couple I know managed to register due to an unexpected snowfall, but were late for the wedding.

For another couple, on the contrary, everything went well, but there were complaints from the bride that it was difficult to fit everything together in one day, not only in the wedding schedule, but also in her head. Not to mention the physical fatigue that will arise after such a busy day.

Therefore, it is quite reasonable and convenient to separate these two events by at least different days, and in some cases, years. True, here too there are objections from the young people, who say that if the wedding does not take place on the same day, then they will have no time later. In my opinion, this is all nonsense, because if you quite consciously decided to take such a step, then, in principle, no one and nothing can stop you from taking it.

The banquet can even be organized at home, because... If you follow the rules and do not invite a large number of people, then it is quite possible for everyone to fit at one table at home. But even if you want to sit in a cafe in the same narrow family circle, it won’t cost you too much. And in general, imagine how wonderful it is when two completely different, but united in spirit holidays remain in your memory, and not one hectic day full of events.

How to dress for a wedding?

The wedding dress itself can be anything, but preferably closed. The back, neckline and shoulders should not be exposed. Ideally, this is a dress with long sleeves, a shallow neckline and a closed back. Although the sleeve may be short, the most important thing is that it covers the shoulders.

Royal wedding

There is one more ancient custom that should be mentioned in order to bring some historical clarity - royal weddings. This ritual was performed during the coronation ceremony of monarchs, and Ivan the Terrible was the first to start it. The crown that was used went down in history under the well-known name - Monomakh's hat. The obligatory attributes of the action were barmas, an orb and a scepter. And the process itself had a sacred content, the main essence of which was the sacrament of anointing. But this ritual has nothing to do with marriage.