If you don't know how to play, don't play
If you don’t know how/don’t like to play with children, it’s better not to play at all. And if you don’t understand what this little guy is babbling at you, you don’t have to pretend that you understand and answer something like “yesss? Cool!". Do you know how stupid this is? - “Iya tyap tyap ay ay viu viu” (which means “I was walking and fell, it hurts, turn on a cartoon for me, I want to take my mind off the stinging pain in my side”) and you’re like “yeah? Cool!". If you don’t understand what they’re telling you, ask your parents and let them translate. There is no need to answer inappropriately, and especially not to copy words unknown to you “yes, viu viu ku ku ya …”, because the child will look at you as if you were a fool. And this is not a very pleasant feeling, you know.
How to dress properly when visiting?
When going on a visit, it is worth remembering the well-known proverb “They are greeted by their clothes, but seen off by their minds.” A lot depends on how you dress. Let's figure out what is especially important and why.
The main thing is clean
Put yourself in the shoes of the host: what would you ask the guests first if they asked you a question about clothing? Surely you would like it to be clean. This is not about the absence of dirty stains and the smell of long-worn items - this goes without saying, but about cleanliness in the literal sense of the word: clothes should be freshly washed. It is not very polite to come into a house and sit on chairs and sofas wearing what you have already sat in on the subway, on the street, or at work. Especially if you come to a family with a child.
Day off
I mean, something you don’t wear when shopping or walking the dog. After all, going on a visit is a holiday, albeit a small one, and the inviting party, having prepared the table and changed from robes and tights into more suitable clothes, has the right to expect some effort from you in terms of clothing. Rhinestones and a tuxedo are, of course, not necessary, but work pants and a rolled-up sweater are also inappropriate. There is a rule that will help you figure out which things are better suited: the later you are invited to visit, the more elegant your clothes should be.
Without intimacy
Women are traditionally more concerned about clothing issues, and they, unfortunately, more often make a mistake that is easier to describe with the word “too much.” For example, various parts of the body are exposed too much. Seeing a half-naked lady in the house with cleavage everywhere is unpleasant - much worse than seeing her in the same outfit, for example, at a work party or in a restaurant. Therefore, an immutable rule: if something is opened from below, everything must be closed from above - and vice versa.
You are not at work
Imagine a situation: you invited a colleague to visit you, and she (or he) came to you wearing the same clothes that she wears to work. Nice? Hardly. If only because... see point 1. And even if you are absolutely sure that your colleague is a delicate, clean person and probably put on the freshest everything, the deja vu effect will work. People who have the habit of going to work in the same clothes fall into the same trap: even if they wash their shirt every day, those around them still get the feeling that the colleague did not spend the night at home and was forced to come in stale clothes, which from the point of view work etiquette is indecent. It's the same with guests.
Think everything through
When choosing clothes for a visit, you need to take into account the format of the party. What will it be - a gala dinner, gatherings with beer and a movie, a picnic at the dacha, dancing? In addition, you need to imagine how comfortable you will be if you dress in a certain way. For example, you are going to wear an elegant cocktail dress, which is quite appropriate for the event. Then don't forget your shoes, because you'll look stupid in your master's slippers or socks.
In this case, the shoes should be such that they will not spoil the floor and the mood of the hostess - she is unlikely to appreciate your heels on her parquet floor. In the end, nothing prevents you from asking the host what it would be better to wear.
By the way
Have you been invited to a wedding?
The desire to wear something light and romantic is understandable, but do not forget that one woman in white will already be there - and that is quite enough.
Not raising a child and his parents
If a child does something terrible, utter, creepy in front of you, for example, he threw a tantrum at his mother because the blue marker ran out, I ask you, do not stand and stare at it with the air of a supreme judge. And even more so, there is no need to start giving advice or raising this child. Like “he’s manipulating!” or “I would have punched you in the ass already, you have golden nerves” or “well, calm down, you’re a good boy/girl.” Don't ever try to do that! You'll make enemies for yourself.
The best thing you can do is just leave this room under some excuse.
Go out and wait for the little shit to calm down. Just go out and wait. Well, or if you’re really itching to get involved, you can go up to your mom, quietly put your hand on her shoulder and ask: “Can I help you somehow?” And believe me, you will instantly rise in her eyes to the level of gods and higher. You can already feel a halo forming above you. Most likely you will be asked to do something simple and not very necessary, like cut the bread or wipe up this puddle on the table, please, or bring me my tranquilizers, they are there on the top shelf... But you will win respect and love in this house Once and for all.
Who comes to visit in the morning?
Remember when Winnie the Pooh came to visit? “I just happened to think that maybe we should go visit?” - said the cartoon character and went with Piglet to the Rabbit. Without warning. “It’s not such a simple thing to visit. When we enter, the main thing is to pretend that we don’t want anything.”
Do they now visit people without warning? Also in the morning, like Winnie the Pooh? Do you do this yourself? So that you can run in and drink tea without calling? Personally, I don't. Going to the capital on weekdays is a whole quest, especially if you work on the right bank and live on the left bank. Once we tried to go visit unannounced on Saturday and left after kissing the door. It's your own fault. That’s why we only visit by invitation, and if we invite you, we give you at least a week’s notice.
We often invite guests for and without events. Sometimes just because of the first snow. And when inviting, for example, close relatives to beshbarmak, we warn them at least a few days in advance. And this is not because of trendy time management. These are all conditions of big cities. In the capital, getting from the left to the right bank sometimes takes an hour. And, accordingly, getting home only late in the evening on weekdays, you put off all your business for the weekend. And on Saturdays you rush through the markets, cutting through the capital's streets with a tray of eggs and bags of vegetables. On Sunday I want to take the children for a walk. Therefore, in order to even just go to visit a friend, you need to spread out your affairs before the weekend.
Now remember your childhood, school years. It would be wild for the parents if someone called to notify them of their visit. Everyone came on weekends or weekday evenings without a phone call. Mom always hid, and what’s more, she still hides the best sweets for uninvited guests. It happened that guests often stayed overnight and occupied my brother’s and my rooms. Or mom would prepare a piece of kazy saved for a rainy day. And it also happened that instant noodles were boiled in a saucepan and placed on the table. At the same time, everyone was so happy.
What about now? We don’t go to visit even our closest people without calling. Although, of course, out of habit we always say or hear: “Well, that’s it, you know the address, come and visit” or “Why don’t you come and visit?” But you will still think 159 times whether to go without an invitation. You think, what if you’re not at home or don’t want to create inconvenience for anyone. After all, after a week, people get tired of the hustle and bustle and probably just want to relax at home on the couch. And here you come with a cake: “Al, come on, shay isheik.”
Recently my husband's grandfather was passing through Astana and decided to stop by. Needless to say, the atamyz did not call or warn any of us. It was just a day off. We were lucky that literally before his arrival we managed to arrive home after the market. As it turned out, Ata wanted to visit his other grandchildren, but found no one at home. He sincerely did not understand why none of them were there, because it was Saturday.
If Winnie the Pooh and Piglet were to visit without warning these days, they would hardly find the Rabbit at home. Also in the first half of the day. And the song from the cartoon would probably sound completely different.
Personally, I don't see anything wrong with planning. I think this is a requirement of the times too. And even with polite calls, we need to preserve the tradition of hospitality. The main thing is that we do not stop visiting each other.
Do you think it’s necessary to visit without warning? By the way, were you visiting or meeting them this holiday weekend?
If you go to mom, take food
You have no idea how cool this is! One of my friends once came to me with sausage. And another time she brought canned tuna. And it was just awesome! You don’t need these cookies for tea, the children will eat them anyway. Bring food! But one that you can eat right away. Well, that is, you don’t need this: look, I brought you the freshest lamb tenderloin, on the site that I sent you the link to your email the day before yesterday, in the section “cook a bitch like a god” there’s a fifth recipe from the bottom - cook it according to it, you’ll like it.” . No no no! For example, bring a bowl of Olivier or a pot of soup. This is a bomb gun!
Etiquette rules: Is it possible to visit without an invitation?
The times when invitations to the house were delivered by messenger, and invitations to holidays several months in advance, are long gone. But this does not mean that today all ceremonies are forgotten. Visiting without an invitation is still considered bad manners in many homes - and this is not the only rule that is worth remembering if you want to be a dear guest everywhere.
If you invite
Make a list if you're throwing a party - not so as not to accidentally forget someone, and not even to evaluate your strength (although this is also important), but to understand whether it is possible to invite all these people at the same time. Unfortunately, not all guests are compatible with each other, and one mistake on your part can ruin everyone's fun.
If you are preparing a big holiday, it is best, as in the old days, to send out invitations to guests - not six months in advance, of course, but at least 10 days in advance. Or call everyone, but also in advance. You should not delay with the invitation even if you want to receive guests on a weekend - they may well have their own plans, and if you are late with the offer to meet on your territory, you may be refused, even if, in principle, people would We are very glad to be with you.
If you are invited
You will offend the invitees if the first question is: “Who else will come?” It sounds as if the company of your hosts is not interesting enough for you to immediately say “yes”. Actually, in such a situation, nothing more is required of you except to accept the invitation or refuse. If you are ready to come, you can ask about the dress code.
Sometimes a situation arises when the one who is invited to visit already has his own in the house - for example, a friend is passing through. In this case, you can ask the hosts if you can bring a stranger with you. Naturally, you will be fully responsible for him - if something goes wrong, the embarrassed “Well, this is the kind of person he is, what should I do” will in no way excuse you.
If they can't come to you
There is no need to ask people why. And it’s also not worth twisting their arms in order to lure them to you at any cost, changing the time and day of the visit a hundred times - most likely nothing will come of it, and it will be inconvenient for the unsuccessful guests. Offer to come at a different time, earlier or later than planned, and if people decline the offer, don't insist. You can ask when, in principle, they will be free next time, and build on that. It cannot be ruled out that those whom you want to invite do not dream of being invited at all. This is exactly the conclusion that should be drawn if a person refuses to visit you several times: according to etiquette, you should not invite him later.
If you have to refuse
Do not be tormented by remorse and do not initiate the other party into all the details of the matter that forces you to decline the invitation. Just apologize and offer to meet next time. If the owners of the house immediately announce a different date and time, try to remember your plans and evaluate the possibility of a visit. If there are no specifics, offer to call in the next few days and discuss everything again. However, in this case, it is not you who should call, but the receiving party.
Never invite just one person to visit when you are in a group. If there is no other way, call the person who hears the conversation.
Nuance
Is it still possible to visit without an invitation? Etiquette allows this only if we are talking about the closest people, but still prescribes to warn them by calling.
We evaluate the situation: when you should not visit with a small child
First of all, you need to consider the following factors:
- Age . It is not recommended to take a child under 2 months with you. Firstly, during this period the baby is very susceptible to various kinds of infectious diseases, including viral ones. This is especially true during the newborn period (the first 28 days of life). Therefore, contact with strangers increases your child's risk of illness. Secondly, feeding a baby can create certain difficulties, especially if the baby is breastfed. Since free feeding involves feeding on demand, your baby may ask for food very often in the first month of life (up to 10-12 times per day). Agree, this is not very convenient when visiting.
- The condition of the baby . It is clear that if a child is sick, there can be no talk of any visit. But you should be equally alarmed by a change in his behavior: he is capricious or, on the contrary, lethargic, refuses to eat - in general, he behaves differently than usual. All these signs may be evidence of an acute infectious disease.
- Vaccinations . Guests should not visit with a child of any age on the day of vaccination or for 3 days after, since susceptibility to infectious diseases is also high during this period.
- Features of the baby's behavior . You've probably already noticed how your child reacts to strangers. If, at the sight of a foster nurse or a neighbor dropping in, his face changes and begins to cry loudly, the likelihood that the baby will behave the same way when visiting is very high, and it would be better not to experiment in this case. If you haven’t noticed anything like this in your baby, then there is no reason to worry. It should be noted here that at the age of 4 to 7-8 months, children for the most part react favorably to the presence of strangers. This is a distinctive feature of the child’s neuropsychic development during this period. But there are exceptions to any rule.
