According to surveys conducted by Mens Health magazine, 48% of men want to have sex with two women at once, while half of them would prefer twin sisters. This article will help you find the answer to the question: “Why is a threesome so attractive and tempting for men and what to do about it?”
Most often, the desire to have fun with two partners at once arises in men prone to narcissism. This type of people constantly needs to increase their self-esteem and feed their ego. Therefore, if this type has a chance to sleep with two women at once, then he automatically assigns himself the title of “sexual giant.”
Narcissists need such achievements so that the next time things go badly for him and another girl refuses, he can say to himself: “But I had two at once, that’s how handsome I am.”
Something can happen that will cause very negative consequences. For example, if a man pays a little more attention to the invited girl than to his regular partner, then a conflict due to feelings of jealousy and resentment is almost inevitable.
It can be embarrassing if a man invites two girls when neither is his regular partner. In this case, the girls can become so carried away by each other that the man will have no choice but to just watch and not interfere. This, in turn, can cause a strong blow to self-esteem and cause discomfort and disappointment from the current situation.
Many men sometimes allow themselves to want a threesome, but not everyone dares to offer it to their girlfriend. Therefore, you should not label yourself as a “pervert” if a man suggests you experiment a little, he just trusts you very much. In this case, the best thing to do is to calmly talk to him and decide whether you want to try it or not.
So why is threesome so attractive to men? i
Scientifically, threesome sex is called triolism. Triolism is traditionally divided into two types: M+F+M and F+M+F. Both types have their pros, cons and subtleties. A man with two women will literally have to work hard.
First of all, the question arises of whether he has enough strength to satisfy two women at once, and not then remain abandoned and disappointed. And the second important question is how to pay enough attention to both partners and not offend anyone.
The second option with two men and one woman also poses some difficulties. First, it’s worth understanding why a man wants this. The fact is that in such sex he feels like a male, dominates, humiliates. There is also a pack effect, and sex itself contains a lot of animality.
The woman is presented as defenseless and weak, she can neither control nor dictate, everything happens the way men do and want. This raises their self-esteem. Another possible option is the desire to humiliate a woman, and sometimes to be humiliated yourself; this can also be a hidden sign of homosexuality.
Secondly, during such sex, all the erogenous zones of a woman are stimulated at once and this can bring her maximum pleasure, at the same time she completely loses control over the situation, and this is also one of the main desires of a man. But there is also an option when men during sex begin to subconsciously compete with each other to see which of them is the best lover. And such a race will not bring pleasure to any of the participants in such sex.
GAMES FOR MEN AND WOMEN
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The basic need for intimacy was laid in us by nature itself: it is vital for a baby to be close to his mother, otherwise inevitable death will occur. Few people are born as helpless and dependent as the human child. The quality of satisfaction of this basic request in childhood determines what our adult relationships will become. Often, a significant contribution to their formation is made by the intervention of the “inner child”, who has not received enough intimacy, without which it is impossible to live and breathe.
In addition, society itself contributes to the strengthening of destructive behavioral patterns, promoting the replacement of relationships with games. One of them can be called similar to the chapter of the same name from Dumas’s novel - “Soubrette and Madame.” “How to win a woman?” - Internet tabloids are competing in answers, offering the most original and effective method since time immemorial. Now it is difficult to establish who was the first to suggest that a man who wants to be successful with ladies should treat a soubrette as a mistress, and a mistress as a soubrette. Here it is - a universal method that resonates in the soul of a man with a breakdown in communication with his own feelings and a tendency towards codependency.
A woman who easily enters into this type of relationship instantly gets into the game. A woman’s need in this game is to receive intimacy and a willingness to earn it at any cost - “I’m not OK - You’re OK” - and in this way increase self-esteem.
The man appears in the image of a noble Knight, Defender and Fearless Warrior. He looks like the one who will make decisions and strategize. However, in reality this is not always the case. Society is not inclined to develop in a man his inner Caring Parent, and what a woman at first interprets as attention and involvement is in fact more like Rescue. He is strong - she is weak. In other words, “I’m OK, but you’re not OK.”
And I in no way devalue those men who sincerely care about women and loved ones. It happens that this is not a game that manifests itself, but a sincere expression of feelings and the ability to come into contact with them. But the one who plays will demonstrate his intellectual, spiritual, business, financial abilities and external attractiveness, and at the same time, paradoxically, indirectly hint at signs of trouble: difficulties at work, fatigue after communicating in a team, a feeling of loss of energy. And this is the behavior of the inner Child, weakness and implied manipulation - a reproach. At the same time, the man will show signs of attention, inviting the woman to communicate, and there will be a hidden trap here.
A woman, idealizing such a man, willingly gets involved in a relationship. She falsely believes that he is the one she needs: “It seems that he is interested in me and I can get what I so urgently and childishly want” - that same “dress and arms”, which has become an iconic meme on social networks today . She interprets revelations that something is going wrong in his life as follows: “He needs me, I can be useful.” The childish adaptive and parental nurturing parts of the woman are equally involved, and she is now completely absorbed in the game.
Women are socially programmed to be a productive complement to men. She is taught to adapt, to be a “sublette” - strong internal Adaptive Child and developed Caring Parent help in this. She does not have to have an active Adult ego state. Her role is traditionally secondary, she is an assistant, a servant, her functions are to give birth to children, to be protective and attentive, especially to her man. Her inner Punishing Parent confirms the “legitimacy” of her place. Society reinforces the typical female gender scenario with gender discrimination, and the woman experiences an inevitable feeling of powerlessness.
Gradually, the man begins to pull the rug out from under the woman’s feet, rocking her psyche with alternating attention, care, and breaking and postponing promises made indefinitely. He can make her wait and change the terms of the game without explanation. Particularly effective are rare visits with flowers and champagne to the “madam,” followed by weeks of cold, disdainful silence addressed to the “soubrette.” The question “What happened, what is my fault?” does not receive an answer or bounces like a ball from a tennis racket with the help of the manipulation - “Guess it yourself.” At the same time, the woman looks for her mistakes, often imaginary ones, experiences a feeling of guilt and frustration, and the state of comfort and stability tends to zero.
It would seem, why continue such communication? You can pack your suitcase and fly off towards a new, happy future. But it was not there. The woman still feels the need for a relationship and, without realizing it, longs for revenge in the fight for her own dignity - she strives to feel like a “mistress” again. She lives in anticipation of meetings, not noticing negative moments - “bells” that would sound an alarm bell for someone else who is not involved in the game. She looks for “strokes” and signs of attention in her partner’s behavior.
Any game is accompanied by retribution. In this performance, the woman continuously receives double messages that pull the rug from under her feet and crowd out her sense of reality: “Who am I? Soubrette or madam? Who was yesterday and who will I become tomorrow? The desire for a new meeting is mixed with the fear of it and memories of the previous one. Increasingly rare attention and care give rise to a feeling of hope, excitement, followed by anxiety, frustration and mental pain. The caring Parent in her spends energy solving her partner’s problems, but her own inner Child is left without attention and support, and this is a direct path to depression, according to Eric Berne.
The situation becomes an addictive funnel of an emotional whirlpool also because even with tangible discomfort, both partners have a reward. A man manipulates a woman’s immature and dependent self-esteem, turning her in her own eyes either into a “saubrette” or into a “mistress.” He structures his time and receives evidence of his importance, without exposing himself to the risk of finding himself in a situation of unfamiliar and frightening intimacy, on the one hand. On the other hand, he is not subject to criticism from society and realizes his gender socialization through the possession of a partner.
A woman puts her destiny in the hands of another person and avoids responsibility for her life. At the same time, she finds a way to assert herself - already as a tragic figure of the Victim. She gets a taste for and enthusiastically discovers the games that transactional analysis calls “Kick Me”, “Psychiatry”, “Harried Woman”, “Wooden Leg”, “It’s All Because of Him”, “Look How Hard I Tried” , “Gotcha, son of a bitch” and many others.
What to do?
Both men and women in such a situation need psychotherapy aimed at maturing the Adult state, increasing self-esteem and personal growth. It will inevitably lead to an awareness of the games and a decision about what to do next. Mentally healthy people enter into relationships from a position of partnership, in which there is no superiority and a position of mutual humiliation: “You’re OK, I’m OK, we’re both adults.” In the course of transactional analysis, in the throes of indecision, despair and vegetative storms, the conditions are ripe for abandoning games and choosing your own path. Now both can consciously take the first step from illness to recovery, to the transition from the world of illusions to reality. Just as a baby once announced his birth with a cry, so now with laughter, realizing the absurdity of self-deception, he will announce the birth of a new, Adult state of soul.
What to do if a man suggests a threesome, but you don’t want to?2
Most often, a woman is not happy with such an offer from her regular partner. But how to tell him without offending him? In this case, the most important thing is not to be offended; to resolve this issue, sometimes it’s enough just to talk. Ask your man why he wants to try a threesome. Explain to him that you will feel jealous if another woman appears in your intimate life.
You can invite him to imagine how he would feel if you suggested having M+F+M sex. After all this, you can suggest trying adult toys in sex. Various dildos, vibrators and other stimulants can sometimes bring even more pleasure than men competing with each other.
Additionally, one way would be to place a mirror in close proximity to your bed. It can be placed on the side, at the back, or even hung on the ceiling. The presence of a mirror creates the illusion of the presence of other persons. In addition, a woman can experiment with wigs, makeup, clothes and sexy lingerie.
No polygamy for now
In Kazakhstan, let’s not fuss now, polygamy has been successfully practiced for centuries. The only thing is that an official law on this matter has not yet been adopted, but in order to bring a mistress to the status of tokal, sometimes one blessing from the mullah is enough.
To do this, all you need is “nothing”: marry a young woman according to the rules of Sharia with the obligatory presence of a baybishe in the mosque. The ceremony is called “nikah” - it means that the eldest wife does not oppose double marriage. At this point, all the baybishe exhale and slyly rub their palms: “Yeah, no way without nikkah. So there is a loophole!”
And although parliamentarians in Kazakhstan have already tried to bring polygamy into a legal “business” twice over the past 15 years, their female colleagues did not accept the bad proposal - only if in exchange for permission for “polyandry”. Here the parliamentarians are silent, like fish on ice, and their eyes move around.
What to do if a man suggests a threesome and you agree?3
Everything is simpler here, but some nuances are still worth taking into account.
- It’s worth immediately figuring out who exactly you both want to see in your bed. Third or third? As a compromise, you can offer a girl today and a guy tomorrow.
- No friends or acquaintances. Firstly, you may feel awkward and this will prevent you from fully enjoying the process. And secondly, one of you may eventually become jealous.
- Agree in advance: what, where and how. It is better to discuss all the points in advance so that the process brings maximum pleasant sensations to both of you. When you are in bed it will be too late to discuss.
- No matter how good the sex is, always send the invited partner home. Don't all stay overnight together.
Well, remember, a threesome is just sex. There is no need to make a system or a cult out of this. But if you are interested in learning how to prepare for your first threesome, follow the link!
What Vladimir Putin said about the opening of Russian borders in September 2020
Russia's borders have remained closed since the end of March 2020 due to the threat of the spread of the dangerous Chinese coronavirus, the pandemic of which is raging throughout the world. In the face of the threat of epidemiological surges in July 2020, news began to appear about the opening of borders between countries, since keeping citizens “at home” for a long time was impractical. Everyone, understanding the level of danger, must take responsibility for their health.
Russian President Vladimir Putin shares the same opinion. At a meeting with the government, he agreed to the gradual opening of Russia’s borders, but the return to “normal life” must be carried out carefully, and taking into account the epidemiological situation in the world:
“You can’t keep people locked up forever. But everything needs to be done very carefully,” the president said.
An exact date for the complete opening of Russia’s borders has not yet been announced. Previously, the government and the Kremlin have repeatedly said that state borders will be opened gradually, under the terms of a mutual agreement with other states that will also be ready to open their borders to Russians.
