Why does a person become a monogamist?
Because of his childhood beliefs and principles, which he can never give in to. Most likely, he grew up in a happy family, where mom and dad loved each other dearly, so the monogamous man wants to implement the same relationship scenario in his life. However, he cannot imagine that his initial choice, which he imagined would be the last and only one, could be wrong. Therefore, a monogamous person can love a person all his life who has absolutely no feelings for him and refuse to start relationships with other people. In general, there are only three relationship scenarios in the lives of such rare, but therefore interesting, monogamous people.
New forms of love
This is why wisdom is so important in relationships. Both a woman and a man must be wise, be able to compromise, and come to understanding. It is then that they will be happy together, and their love will have every chance to last a lifetime. Of course, we are not talking here about the passion that characterizes love relationships in the early years. Over time, the passion subsides, but something else, much more, remains. This includes support, friendship, trust and confidence in each other. Love really comes in different forms. It changes its shape, but does not change itself. Some people sometimes confuse infatuation with love and therefore believe that love has gone away. But true love doesn't go away. It is only taking on different shapes. For example, an elderly couple who have been together for fifty years has no passion in their relationship, but their feelings are always noticeable in how attentive and caring they are towards each other.
A monogamous man loves a monogamous man
The main problem of monogamous people is the passion to possess their loved one, to occupy all his time, to literally choke him with his love. However, if the partner is also monogamous, then this is no longer a problem. You can enjoy being together all day and night without paying attention to others. Such a union is 100% happy. This is the love we read about as children.
After monogamous people start a family and build their own nest, they will take care of their relatives, children, and even their neighbors and will try to instill the principles of monogamousness. In general, this is good. Everyone loves such happy people, a real crowd always gathers at their family table, and as long as they are together, monogamous people will serve as cement that will tightly hold together the foundation of their entire large family.
What else are they characterized by?
Distinctive features are as follows:
- Show sincere attention and care. They will not hint at intimacy on the first evening. And they don’t confess their love right away. They can remain silent about their feelings for many years. Not because of callousness. The reason is that they choose companions once and for all, so they are selective and careful.
- They have innate decency towards the opposite sex and treat all women with respect in principle.
- Under no circumstances do they give a reason to doubt themselves.
Of course, these are wonderful qualities. But being a monogamist also has some disadvantages. Let's look at some negative features:
- Monogamous does not mean ideal. Like all people, he may have shortcomings that will certainly manifest themselves in family life.
- As mentioned above, he is the owner. This can cause jealousy, which can lead to serious disagreements and even separation.
- The partner needs to be prepared to control.
- In the event of separation, one should not hope that the beloved will simply leave behind.
- You will always have to live up to the painted ideal that your monogamous spouse came up with for yourself.
- If you are not a monogamous woman, you probably shouldn’t start an affair with such a man, because after breaking up he may no longer be able to build a happy relationship.
Therefore, having a freedom-loving disposition, you should not start a relationship with a monogamous person. It's a great choice for life though. Such people are loyal and respectful. Even after several years, they will treat you with the same reverence and love, shower you with compliments, will not pay attention to individual shortcomings, and will give you gifts and flowers.
Most representatives of the stronger sex are lovers of women, that is, roughly speaking, womanizers. Even the extras talk about this. Some doctors manage to justify this unhealthy tendency: they say that the male body is designed in such a way that one beautiful lady of his heart is not enough for a gentleman - he wants variety...
But, as they say, you can’t put everyone under the same brush. And male polygamy, according to psychologists, is an invention of the gentlemen themselves. There are still monogamous men in the world. Since childhood, they dream of meeting their one and only and going through life with her, and when they meet this ideal, they remain faithful to their beloved until the end of their days. Many women will consider a fateful meeting with such a specimen as happiness. However, everything here is not as smooth as it seems at first glance.
Signs of a monogamous man
First, let's look at the main features that the hero of today's story has. The fact is that the beliefs and behavior of a person different from the masses, if not immediately, then upon close acquaintance, will still catch the eye.
So, here they are - these identification marks:
A monogamous person has the “correct” character traits. These include prudence and mental balance. There is some slowness and phlegmatic behavior.
In relation to a woman who is of a certain interest to him, a monogamous man is quite attentive and shows sincere care and tender tenderness, but only after he is convinced of his feelings. He does not allow himself unnecessary things, such as dirty jokes, inducing his other half to have sex on the first date, etc. A monogamous person will not even confess his love right away, although you will feel this all-consuming heart flame.
He has a negative attitude towards the loving nature of his friends who have decided on the main choice, and he does not hesitate to express his categorical opinion on this matter.
A monogamous person is distinguished by deep innate decency and a respectful attitude towards the fair sex in principle.
A man does not allow his beloved to doubt the seriousness of his intentions either by actions or behavior under any circumstances.
He is a man of few words when it comes to pathetic speeches like “I will give my life for you,” “I will never betray you,” “I will love you forever.” This is a man of action.
Conservatism and constancy are important qualities of a monogamous person’s nature.
He may pay attention to pretty women, but it would never even occur to him to cheat on his beloved with one of them “just like that,” or “like everyone else.”
Having discovered at least a few similar signs in the personality of your man, you can be sure that this is a monogamous man. But whether this is good or bad, it is better not to rush to conclusions until you become familiar with the shortcomings of this type of gentleman.
A monogamist loves an ordinary person, but he does not
But this scenario is already a problem. Monogamous people have an extremely developed imagination, so when they fall in love with a person of the opposite sex, they begin to invent magical non-existent character traits for her and place her on a pedestal. Naturally, after a kind of deification, this person becomes their only love. This love, of course, is not mutual. The monogamous man suffers, but continues to wait and hope. This belief that one day a loved one will pay attention to a monogamous person is extremely strong. You can wait for years, without developing at all and living in your own world, coming to stand under the windows of your lover or writing him the hundredth SMS to which there is no answer. This is a sad love that has devastating consequences. And it would be better for a monogamous person to realize that his feelings will never be accepted and begin to live on; if this does not happen, then he is guaranteed to grow old alone. However, if he cheats on his first love, then he will no longer be a monogamist.
An ordinary person loves a monogamous person, but he does not love him
This scenario comes into play when a monogamist realizes that his loved one will never be around. Under the influence of surging feelings and pressure from others, the monogamous man decides to marry, perhaps out of revenge, perhaps out of despair, with an ordinary person who loves him. This union cannot be called happy, because a monogamous man will never pay due attention to his spouse, will not look at him with tenderness, and, of course, will never fall in love. However, the family of such people may well be strong. And their children will unite them.
Children are a way that will allow a monogamous man to express all his love, which has been accumulating in his heart for years. They simply adore children, you will not find such devoted love anywhere, they forgive them everything, care for them, deify them and devote all their strength to helping their children. In general, they are ready to do anything for their children. So the average person may not receive love, but he will be quite happy that his children will be loved. For some, this is enough. In addition, you should not be afraid of betrayal; monogamous men will never look at other women. Gradually they get used to their unloved wife and may well be devoted to her.
So, being a monogamist is quite painful. There are not so many scenarios for a happy life, and since monogamous people are a rare species, the chances of meeting someone like you are small, and, therefore, for happiness they are even lower. So perhaps we should be glad that most people are not monogamous and, having been burned once, can try to start all over again.
Monogamy as a personality quality is the ability to be faithful all your life, devoted with all your soul to your one love; inability to love two or more times.
Sometimes to firmly understand and realize that he is a monogamous man and he does not need any other woman except his wife, touching and sweet things help a man: old wedding photographs, toys in the children’s room, a heavy frying pan or rolling pin in the strong hands of his wife...
Monogamy is a lifelong attachment to one single person. This quality cannot be unequivocally classified as a virtue, just as it is unreasonable to label it as depravity. It all depends on the nature of monogamy, its reasons, motivation and, most importantly, under the influence of what energy the monogamous person is under: goodness, passion or ignorance.
Monogamy in goodness comes from decency, high morality, loyalty and responsibility. A monogamist in goodness is a man of conscience, he took an oath of allegiance, that is, he made the final choice, put an end to it and is not going to violate his choice. He perceives other women as daughters, mothers or sisters. A monogamous woman sees fathers, brothers or sons in all men.
Blissful monolove is, first of all, a conscious responsibility, implying the implementation of the worst-case scenario. That is, a monogamous man, entering into marriage, is ready for the worst possible development of events. He makes a vow to love his chosen one even if she cheats on him, gets drunk, becomes a drug addict, becomes a paralyzed vegetable, reviles him and hates him. This is the real responsibility of a monogamous person.
An irresponsible person cannot be a monogamist. He loves it as long as everything is good. If something doesn’t go according to his plan, he will, without hesitation, break up with his former love and fall for the “fresh woman.” Unlike the monogamous man, he seeks happiness in novelty. In the leapfrog of his loved ones, he hopes to find a real taste of happiness. That is, it acts superficially, superficially. A monogamous person seeks happiness in the depths of a relationship. He understands that happiness does not exist in the novelty of sensations. Happiness is within. You need to look for it in yourself through the deepest knowledge of the cosmos, the inner world of your loved one.
...The one who came to Buddha said: “I want Happiness!” The Buddha replied: “First remove the “I” - this is the Ego. Then remove “I want” - this is a desire. Do you see? Now you are left with Happiness...!
Monogamous people in passion sometimes become the result of the suffering they have experienced. Having suffered from the loss of a loved one, a person is afraid to experience this state of terrible despondency, hopelessness and grief again. Even a womanizer, having suffered greatly, can turn into a monogamous man. The fear of experiencing once again the agony of parting with his beloved often makes Don Juan a monogamous man.
Psychologist Anatoly Len writes: “Nothing discourages womanizers from looking for new adventures like suffering in love. Monogamous people are further from nature than womanizers. Womanizers are more dependent on nature than monogamous people. A monogamous man will not cheat even on a scarecrow, a womanizer cannot resist even if his wife is a queen. Womanizers rest between outbreaks of fornication, gaining new energy for the next burning. Monogamous people are physically unable to constantly love passionately, so no one takes their true love seriously at first. A womanizer has only one problem, a monogamous man has all the rest.”
There is nothing sadder than watching the unrequited love of a monogamous person. Unrequited love is cruel; compassion and empathy involuntarily appear for monogamous people who, by the will of fate, have fallen into its network.
Singer Irina Allegrova in the song “Unrequited Love” clearly expresses this idea:
Unrequited love is the quiet ringing of dawn Everything is paid for at the real price Don't take care of yourself, give yourself This is what fate has destined for you forever
Unrequited love, hopeless Like a trackless forest wilderness Hopeless love, unrequited If only it were yours, selfless
Sometimes monogamy is the love of memory. Lydia Ginzburg writes: “Probably, the tradition that attributes to monogamous people the ability to have especially deep and strong feelings requires revision. Most likely, here that feeling involuntarily diminishes. Real love suffering is a disease too painful to become chronic. A person with one (especially unhappy) love for the rest of his life loves not with desire, but with memory.”
It’s sad when behind monogamy there is only an idealization of the beloved or loved one. That is, the monogamous man attributes to his beloved those virtuous qualities that he does not possess. In a word, he lives in illusion and demands that his loved one be the way he wants. By the way, a monogamous man in passion is an incredible owner; he keeps his beloved on a “short leash” and expects from him great affection and unshakable loyalty and devotion. He can calmly react to the difficult character of his loved one, but not to his easy behavior. Suffering is caused by any manifestation of frivolity or coquetry on the part of the spouse. In a word, a monogamous person will push his spouse to create an ideal image, which he invented for himself, perhaps even in childhood, looking at the idyll of parental relationships.
If the father treated his mother with love, care and respect, the son, in the happy sense of the word, can become a monogamist. The woman he loves may become the only one, and he himself will become a bearer of the quality of monogamousness and uniqueness. Uniqueness as a personality quality is the ability to be unique, exceptional, wonderful for someone, someone who is chosen once and for life. To his only one he will say:
My only one, betrothed to the wind by the Light, illuminated, my bright one. And why do I need the dawn now? The stars are falling into the seas And my soul flies away, breaking anchors F. Kirkorov - My only one
Monogamy in ignorance is based on complexes, low self-esteem, indecisiveness, excessive shyness and bashfulness.
Peter Kovalev
Do you love only him and no one else? No one can take his place in your heart, even though many years have already passed?! Most likely, you are a monogamist! Whether you are lucky or not, it all depends on whether you managed to connect your life with the object of your adoration. But first things first.
Monogamous people
- these are people who are devoted to only one person all their lives. Nowadays such people are very rare, but they do exist. Both men and women are monogamous. But it is still believed that the weaker sex remains faithful to their loved ones more often than the stronger.
Psychologists say that any person is capable of falling in love several times throughout his life, and this is normal, therefore, monogamous people are most likely not born, but become (raised) over time. Most often this happens to those who were born and lived in a friendly and strong family, where the parents, even after twenty years of marriage, retain almost youthful love for each other. Having seen enough of their parents’ idyll, such children, no matter what, strive to embody it in their own family. In addition, those who by nature are constant, decent and conservative people in everything, who not only in life, but also in thoughts cannot allow betrayal, can also become monogamous.
A monogamous person can find his happiness
will be able only when his other half becomes as monogamous as he is. In this case, family paradise can last until old age. But if there is only one partner who is monogamous, then one must be prepared for the fact that any manifestation of frivolity or coquetry on the other side will be immediately perceived as a terrible deceit, forcing him to suffer cruelly. He will force his other half to follow the ideal image that he came up with for himself, perhaps in childhood. Such a life can turn into an endless volcano in which both loving people will suffer, the monogamous person will suffer from torment, and his chosen one will suffer from endless suspicions and claims. But the most difficult case for a monogamous person is unrequited love. He can remain completely alone for years, constantly think about his loved one, indulge in nostalgia for the past, idealize him, make attempts to win him over and over again and suffer greatly from the new failure.
How can you understand whether your chosen one is a monogamous person or not?
Most likely, you are dealing with him if:
1. He rejects with honor and dignity any attention shown by the opposite sex, because he is completely sure that you are his only chosen one for the rest of his life.
2. When talking about you, he constantly uses “mine”, “my” - my beloved, my bunny, and so on. Monogamous people are terrible owners and do not consider it necessary to hide it.
3. If he can’t even imagine a separate vacation and his own business trips (not to mention your possible work trips) upset him terribly.
4. Disapproves of the love affairs of friends and acquaintances.
5. If, even after a few years, looking at you, he does not notice your drastic changes and proudly thinks that you are still the same as on the first day of meeting.
If you see such a monogamous person in your companion, then get ready to give him the same thing in return. And if you are not ready, then remember that being around him will be very difficult. It is impossible to change a monogamous person. You need to accept him either as he is, or completely refuse an alliance with him.
Modern “high-speed” society places new demands on relationships. Now you are successful on the love front if you have many partners. And this applies primarily to men.
Permanence as such is eradicated. However, there are still those men for whom the concepts of “loyalty” and “devotion” still mean something. They choose one woman and walk side by side with her all their lives. Someone envies them, someone looks at them with contempt, someone considers their behavior stupid. But they don't care about public opinion. They live the way they want. This is all about monogamous men.
In our minds, monogamous people are people who are devoted to one person all their lives. Moreover, fidelity is assumed both physical and emotional. Yes, there are still such people, but they are very few. Mostly they include women, but believe me, there are many men among them too. But the most interesting thing is that there are so many fictions and fables floating around their personality that it becomes scary. I realized this when I began to be interested in the opinions of my friends regarding monogamous men. I have not encountered so many prejudices for a long time. The most unimaginable ideas were expressed. And now I would like to understand more deeply the psychology of these men by considering popular myths about them.
The most common assertion is that the fidelity of monogamous people is based on the inability (or fear) of not sexually satisfying the new partner. Like, if something doesn’t work out with my wife, then it’s not so scary (the fairies also laughed), because she is already “one of our own” people. A statement that has absolutely no basis. Men are portrayed as cripples who, except with their wives, cannot have sexual relations. But if it works with my wife, why won’t it work with another? A man doesn’t develop the kind of “protection” that works against other people’s women. Monogamous men are the same men as their polygamous brothers. There are no differences, only some decided with all of them at once, while for others one (but favorite) is enough. Something similar was meant by those who said that such men are in fact no longer men, since they are devoted to only one (the male sex is supposedly polygamous by nature). Like, everyone walks, and whoever doesn’t walk is no longer a man. This is also an illogical statement. A man loves one, she suits him in everything, others are simply not interesting, so why is he no longer capable of anything? On the contrary, he is still capable, but only one knows about this, his woman.
In addition to doubts about male abilities, doubts arise about the health of a monogamous man in general (and mental health in particular). Well, our society is structured in such a way that any deviations from generally accepted behavior are usually attributed to a shift in mental health. And what if he is attached to one, loves only her, does not go out and does not cheat - that’s it, the diagnosis is obvious. Although, again, there is no connection. Don’t think, monogamous men pay attention to other ladies, but these are not ordinary lustful glances, but something like: “She has a great skirt, you should buy one for yours too.” As for cheating, it is customary to attribute conservative views on relationships and life in general to such men. Rather, these are not principles or views, but the absence of the need to prove something to someone. They love their woman, and most importantly, they respect them, so they will never allow cheating.
Monogamous people are often credited with the desire to deprive not only their chosen one of freedom of action, but also themselves. And all because our ideas about monogamy are different. If for us this is associated with constant control, checks, restrictions and doubts, then monogamous people have a different opinion. For us, “monogamy” is synonymous with the word “property,” but for them these concepts are antonyms. They simply don’t want to lose what they have. In the family they receive support and support, so for the sake of fleeting imaginary pleasure, losing the meaning of life is not their choice. They prefer stability. As for total control, it’s more about the personality of the individual man. A tyrant can be either a quiet family man or a notorious womanizer. Here this quality, as a distinctive feature of monogamous men, does not work.
Although, to be honest, I personally have a twofold attitude towards monogamous men. On the one hand, to be faithful and devoted to one woman, not to look for a replacement on the side, to admire your beloved - there is something real, worthwhile, truly masculine in this. On the other hand, God forbid, the relationship will not work out (she will leave for someone else, become a victim of an accident or an accident, the feelings will fade), and for the rest of her life remember the bright moments of her life together with her ex-woman, love the past, live in the past without hope for the present - I don’t know, it’s somehow too cruel. The price for the peculiarity (or gift?) of being devoted to only one woman is too high...
We women are incorrigible. No matter what age we are, we still, even if somewhere in the depths of our souls, continue to dream about a prince on a white horse, and, of course, about love for life.
In this article we will talk about what signs
You can
define a monogamous man
.
How to recognize a monogamous person before marriage?
The difference between a monogamous person
Many people are interested in how monogamous men differ from ordinary guys? Nothing! Their only difference is that they love one and only one person for the rest of their lives. And we are sure that this is a normal natural phenomenon. For some reason, many people consider love for one person to be a mental disorder. No and no again! Monogamous is not a mental illness or a deviation. This is normal! How to recognize a monogamous person? But you just can’t recognize it at first glance. But still, monogamous people have distinctive features.
Signs of a monogamous person
Attentive and gentle Monogamous people are most often unhurried and reasonable. In relation to women, they are gentle and attentive, but cautious. They meet for a long time, look closely, and only then take decisive steps. If a monogamous man confesses his love, it means that he will do everything possible and impossible for his chosen one.
My woman
When talking with others, he constantly calls the girl “mine.” Having made a choice, they never let their chosen one out of sight. When caring for her, they never give free rein to their hands and do not make unpleasant hints. Monogamous people are morally stable and decent people who recognize their love for only one girl. They condemn the adventures of their friends, openly declaring their negative attitude towards amorous adventures.
Monogamous people are owners
Monogamous people never throw words to the wind and swear eternal love, but do just that. By nature, they are all owners and do not tolerate infidelity. They do not like to spend their holidays separately, and they go on business trips only when necessary.
Monogamous and beautiful women
Monogamous men, of course, notice and admire beautiful women, but nothing more. They never cheat on their wife. Their life principle is important to them: love and respect for the woman with whom you live. Monogamous people are capable not only of love, but also of friendship. They often remain loyal to their classmates. But this will not stop them from valuing their wife. The main character trait of a monogamous person is constancy always and in everything. Sometimes even to the detriment of oneself. Monogamous people never leave loved ones, and they don’t even want to part with old things; they are reluctant to part with them. New relationships Monogamous people love their only woman all their lives. And if they are suddenly left alone, it is very difficult for them to build new relationships. The personal life of monogamous people does not always go well. If suddenly their wife died, or simply left for another man, then monogamous people remain alone and do not even try to find another woman. Monogamous men are the same as everyone else, and they are not what they are, not angels, and they, just like everyone else, have their shortcomings. But a monogamous man will never give up the most important thing, and until his death the woman he loves will remain the most beautiful and charming for him.
Monogamous - who is this? Many people wonder if such people really exist. This is exactly what we will talk about in this article.
At first glance, everything is very simple: a monogamous person is a person who is devoted to one love throughout his life. And it would seem that this is wonderful. Marrying such a person is a dream. But for some reason many people neglect this happiness.
Distinctive features of a monogamous man
A person eats in much the same way as he has sex. This may sound like a joke, but rather it’s about meta-programs in the human brain.
If you look very carefully at how your chosen one eats, how he chooses the place where he will eat, dishes, etc., with a high degree of probability you can conclude whether the man next to you is monogamous or not.
Although here, not everything is as simple as it might seem at first glance.
For example, your chosen one says: “You know, I love going to this restaurant. I eat at this restaurant all the time. I love coming here. I always sit in this chair near the fireplace. This is the only steak I always order. He is my favorite..."
With a high degree of probability, we can conclude that in sex he likes not only the usual things, he just likes to get used to one partner. He likes to discover “new flavors of a familiar dish.”
And, indeed, there are people for whom this is typical. They love to discover new nuances of a familiar dish. This is neither good nor bad. This is their specialty.
Significant other
It turns out that every man is capable of loving one woman all his life. But not every monogamous man meets a girl whom he can love throughout his life. Unfortunately, not everyone manages to find their soulmate. Often people make mistakes, cannot admit it for some time, suffer, and then break up anyway. Therefore, the main question is not whether a man is capable of being a monogamist, but whether there are women on his way who are worthy of such love.
Monogamous - who is this? Many people wonder if such people really exist. This is exactly what we will talk about in this article.
At first glance, everything is very simple: a monogamous person is a person who is devoted to one love throughout his life. And it would seem that this is wonderful. Marrying such a person is a dream. But for some reason many people neglect this happiness.
Why are some men monogamous and others not?
And if, in contrast, you notice in your chosen one that he often says: “No. We've been here before. We've already eaten here. I love everything new. But we haven’t been there yet, there, and we haven’t been there either. Come on, let's eat in the air. Or in a restaurant underwater?
Or he comes to a restaurant and tells you: “I already ate this. I don’t like trying the same dish a second time.”
This may not be very easy to understand. The thing is that in the pleasure center in the cerebral cortex, which is responsible for sex, food, etc. — the center of sex is located not so far from the center, which is responsible for food pleasure.
Therefore, these meta-programs, in principle, can not only be tracked, but also predicted.
Monogamous man psychology
About a person who always chooses something new when it comes to food, and who says: “You know, I don’t like to eat the same dish over and over again,” it can be predicted with a high degree of probability that he will always look for something new and new all the time. in sexual relationships.
What was said in terms of food is more about sex. And if we talk about relationships... Girls very often make a critical mistake in relation to men. They do not understand that sex, love, marriage and family are different things, and there values are different in each aspect, although all this can happen with one person.
Also, the following should be noted here: your chosen one can be absolutely monogamous in terms of family and marriage. But he can be absolutely polygamous in terms of sex. That is, he will constantly need new sexual partners. But as a wife, he only sees you.
This has to do with how his brain is structured, how his reality strategies are structured. And this in no way means that he does not love you. Doesn't mean he's ready to leave you. Your husband can be faithful to you as a husband, but not as a sexual partner,
