We continue to deal with one of the most banal and at the same time exciting topics: relationships. This time we'll talk about finances, which often become a problem. In the previous article “Why did you get abandoned” there is not a single word about money, but it can be classified under the category of “different views on life”. And it’s true: one believes that everyone is for himself, another votes for the general budget, the third advocates “content”. And how, in fact, is it correct?
Let's start with the fact that no one owes anyone anything. Our women in Russia are fragile and beautiful, but they can stop a galloping horse in the middle of a burning hut. Men, under the influence of stereotypes, are not only capable, but obligated to earn a living - their own, of course. No self-respecting man would live at someone else's expense. And women have recently been striving to provide themselves with everything they need on their own, so as not to end up on the side of a rural road in a Valentino and Balenciaga . Smart women, of course.
So, these strong and independent M and F one day meet each other. What's next?
Date.
First, second, third, fiftieth - it doesn’t matter. Normal men always pay for two. This is not a business lunch (he who invites pays) or a friendly meeting (check in half) or a festival of misers (let’s count everything down to the penny, and we’ll calculate a bottle of wine based on the glasses drunk), this is a DATE. A girl (especially a strong and especially independent one) may offer to split the check and even insist on it, but accepting her money would be disgusting. Here I want to emphasize that you are not “paying for it”, you are thanking for the time spent. And to strong and independent girls, I’ll say this: do you think that the man you’ve chosen is so insolvent that a couple of movie tickets and dinner for two will cause a significant loss to his budget?
And finally, it’s a pleasure to surprise a loved one (or an interesting person); you can’t feel sorry for any amount spent on him. And if it’s a pity, then is this person so important? Of course, there are different cases. But in 99% of them it’s like this: the man pays on the date. If it doesn't pay, then it's:
- not a date (suddenly you are friends, but the romance is in your head)
- not a man
- misunderstanding (forgot my wallet at home, yeah)
But still, when going on a date with a new acquaintance, never order something that you cannot pay for, even if you are sure that he will pay the bill. Not out of prejudice, but out of respect.
Apartment.
So, after a couple of dozen exciting dates, you decided to move in together. There are several options here:
- the one whose apartment pays
- the one who earns more pays
- you split the costs in half
- if you rent an apartment, then one pays the rent, the second pays utility costs.
Actually, all options have a right to exist. For me personally, only one is acceptable: the man pays for the apartment where we live together, and I pay for the apartment where I live alone. But all other options seem quite logical and justified to me - everyone chooses what is convenient for them.
Shared expenses.
Now that we've sorted out the living space, it's time to think about food, entertainment and travel. Income plays a major role here. The higher it is, the higher a person’s standard of living, and it’s unlikely that anyone is going to lower it for the sake of brotherly “spending in half.” If one person has an income of 20 thousand a month, and another has 300 thousand, then it is easier for the second person to buy travel tickets and food for dinner. If the income is almost the same, then it is more convenient to chip in for travel (money is never superfluous on a trip), and household expenses are paid by someone who is easier to do it at the moment or by someone who is used to doing it. Personally, I don’t buy food for my boyfriend’s home, I often eat in a cafe (here I pay for myself, of course) and, when the desire arises, I can please my loved one with something tasty (bring pizza/cakes, etc.) If I cook at home for Since we have something that requires expensive products, I most often buy them myself. The young man pays for the movies, wine (in most cases) and parties with friends. It’s inconvenient for me to choose something expensive if it’s not me who pays (although, perhaps, this is only until my martyr becomes a multimillionaire)
Present.
Here everything is as crystal clear as with dates: gifts are made to each other only at your own expense. The times when you bought something for someone with their own money should have ended in deep childhood, when you bought flowers for your mother for pocket money. It’s not scary if the gifts are unequal - the main thing, in the end, is attention.
Child.
Perhaps the most difficult question. Children are, so to speak, a “product of common labor,” and expenses, in theory, should also be common. But few people return to work immediately after the birth of a child: most often the mother (or father) goes on maternity leave, and while one looks after the children, the other provides for the family. Accordingly, all other expense items fall on the shoulders of the worker. This is fine. In any case, having a child is a conscious and serious step, and I have one opinion on this matter: if you can’t provide for children, don’t have them. Children do not choose their family and do not deserve to live in poverty if their parents are unable to provide them with a decent future. I call the option “we’ll give birth and then figure it out somehow” disgusting. We will not touch on the topic of divorces and separations with a child in our arms, but no matter what happens, children should not suffer or need anything. An adult can provide for himself, a child cannot.
Emergency situations.
Unfortunately, unpleasant events happen in life, and no one is immune from them. And, if in the case of loans, dubious financial transactions, etc., the problem must be solved by the one who got involved in it, then in the case of treatment and health problems there can be no questions. When it comes to health, all principles, habits and other nonsense fade into the background.
Something else.
I have an extremely negative attitude towards those who count every penny, demand the return of gifts after a breakup, or even the amount spent on a girl during a relationship (and this happens, unfortunately). I also categorically do not understand “keeps” of both sexes who live at the expense of others. I could never date a stingy or greedy person, just as I could never carry a spineless oaf, even if I were fabulously rich.
So, if you sum up all the points, this is what you get. The man pays for the dates, the one who gives them pays for the gifts, and the rest of the expenses are divided between you in the way that is most convenient for you. Two rules:
- this should suit both of you
- children (dogs, cats, great-grandmothers and other elements dependent on the financial well-being of your family) should not suffer.
That's all, actually. Don't let money become an issue in your relationship!)
Subscribe to Fridamania
Get the latest posts delivered right to your inbox
—>
Meeting with a homeless person
Victor and Olga dated for quite a long time. They walked in the park, sometimes drinking coffee together. The girl made a good impression, people around her really liked her. And Victor hoped that over time their relationship would develop into something more. One incident ruined everything.
One day Olga called and said that they needed to talk. And made a date near a good restaurant. Victor had nothing against having dinner together and gladly accepted the offer.
Having met, the young people decided to take a short walk. It was then that they met a poorly dressed man who looked like a tramp. He approached Victor and Olga and asked for money. The man took out his wallet and pulled out a rather large bill - he simply didn’t have a smaller one.
A simple dessert recipe made from choux pastry. Swept off plates in minutes
“Is it normal to marry a poor man?”: the girl got the answer to her question
Standing meditation strengthens the body: the best positions for meditation
Man! Will you pay for me?
The story happened a little over a year ago.
At that time, I was deeply pregnant, with less than a month left before giving birth. And, like many pregnant women, I developed certain gastronomic preferences.
No, I didn’t want to eat chalk, earth, some foreign fruit, or whatever else pregnant women want to eat. I didn’t even take my husband to the store at night (somehow I missed this moment :).
But three products have firmly established themselves in my daily diet: peach juice (necessarily in a 3-liter glass jar and no other), milk chocolate such as “Mars”, “Snickers”, “Bounty”, etc. and glazed cheese curds (here the manufacturer was not important).
So, we are walking through the supermarket: my husband Misha, me and my belly, of immense size. Misha carries a basket of groceries, in which a can of peach juice neatly stands.
We are going to buy chocolates at the checkout. But they somehow forgot about the glazed cheese curds and remembered them at the last moment.
As often happens, in a supermarket, out of several cash registers, only one is open, and there is a queue of customers. Classics of the genre! To make things go faster, Misha stayed in line, and I headed to the counter with glazed cheese curds.
Having collected a whole bag of cheesecakes, I returned to the checkout and found that several more people were already standing behind Misha. Approaching my husband, I heard from behind: “Where are you going without a queue?!”
I could, of course, turn around and explain to everyone that I approached my husband, but I was in some kind of playful mood. At such moments, I address my husband only as “man” and you, well, like we don’t know each other.
This makes Misha a little angry, and in response, with slight irritation, he calls me “woman” and the same to you. From the outside it looks like a conversation between two strangers.
This time I stood in line in front of my husband and turned to him:
- Man, do you mind that I stand in front of you? I only have cheese...
- Don't mind, woman! - Misha answered irritably.
At that moment, the line began to become indignant, and the man standing in front of us decided to let me go ahead. I thanked him for his concern, but refused due to the fact that I did not have money with me.
- Man! Will you pay for me? — I asked my husband.
- I’ll pay, woman! - Misha answered me.
The line gasped at my “arrogance,” but I didn’t let up (keep going until the end):
— It’s kind of stuffy here. Man! - I turned to my husband. “As soon as you pay, you’ll take my purchases out onto the street.” I'll wait for you on the porch, okay?
“Okay, woman,” Misha nodded.
The man standing behind us in line could not stand it and began to be indignant. Like, it’s impossible, it’s clear that I’m pregnant, but I must have a husband, who, in turn, must take care of me.
You should have seen the man’s face and heard the laughter of the line when Misha said: “So this is my wife!”
It's funny she looks so pregnant. I can’t do anything about it, all I can do is play along. Pregnant women should not be turned away! We’re waiting for a daughter, she’ll probably be an actress when she grows up...”
Source
Unpleasant Sermon
The happy tramp went for food, and Olga, instead of admiring the act (this is what Victor expected from her), began to indignantly say that he had acted rashly. The girl believed that in modern conditions there is no need to give money to people on the streets. They should work and provide themselves with money just like everyone else, and not bother others with their problems. “We work, and they parasitize us,” she concluded.
This verbal tirade made an unpleasant impression on Victor. He suddenly thought that behind Olga’s beautiful appearance there was a scorpio, not sparing anyone around. In this mood he reached the restaurant.
How not to pay for a girl in a cafe on dates
The topic of money and paying for a girl worries many guys. There are a lot of questions. One of the most common is: “How not to pay for a girl on dates in a cafe?” I have already considered the issues of paying for a girl, so I will continue the series and consider this one.
Let me explain right away that there is a possibility that refusing to pay for a girl in a cafe, even for minimal tea and dessert, can turn into a problem for you, big or small. So you have to be prepared for this. Girls may consider you a redneck or something else, which does not always have a good effect on seduction.
So, first you need to be prepared for this psychologically and mentally so that you can take this action without panicking.
It is worth noting that when you invite a girl to a cafe or restaurant, many people understand this as the fact that you are offering to treat them, so if possible, try to avoid such wording if you make the invitation yourself. Using something like “meet me at such and such a cafe.”
Further, in the cafe itself, if the girl begins to order a lot, you can prepare her in a comic form, to the fact that she will have to pay herself, saying something like “you make good money if you are going to eat so much.”
You shouldn’t make a choice for a girl; if you choose a girl or offer her some dishes, it can and will most likely be interpreted as you treating her. Let her choose.
The moment you ask the waitress for the bill, you can immediately tell them to bring you a split bill. Sometimes, the waitresses themselves ask which bill is more convenient for you: a joint or separate bill.
Often girls can go to the toilet when they bring you the bill, don’t let this mislead you, pay only for yourself and when the girl returns, if she is about to leave or the waiter comes up to you for the bill, tell the waitress something like : “Now the girl will pay her bill, and you can pick it up.”
Such a direct approach can be perceived negatively with a claim from the girl to you: “Aren’t you going to pay for me?” In such situations, remain calm to show that you are behaving normally, but she is not, and explain to the girl that you only pay for people close to you: for friends, for your girlfriends, for relatives. But not for everyone. And when you get close to her, you will be happy to pay for her. If the girl continues to be indignant, then you should check with her whether she came on a date with you, or just wanted to eat something for free. Everything needs to be said in a friendly and calm manner.
If the girl refuses to pay for herself anyway, and this may happen, then you should check with her whether she will run away or something else? So that I understand that you will not go back on your words. It may be that the girl simply does not have money, so you can lend it to her, but if the girl perceives this situation negatively, then, of course, she may not repay the loan. This also happens.
In any case, if you want not to pay for a girl, you must be prepared for such consequences.
You can also simply say when you come to the cafe that you will only pay for yourself. This may confuse some, but for some reason a negative reaction is less common than if you refuse to pay when the bill arrives. Also, this will protect you from the fact that a girl eats something she can’t pay for. For example, there was a case when a girl came on a date with no money at all, and my friend said that she was paying only for herself. Since the girl had no money, she simply sat through the entire date and did not order anything for herself.
There are also less straightforward ways to avoid paying. So, for example, at the time of payment, you can pat yourself in your pockets and take out from it a small amount set aside in advance and say that you literally only have for yourself, even a little is not enough. The main thing is not to eat too much. And tell the girl that you forgot the money at home and she will have to pay for herself and a little for you.
I may have already said this, but independent girls, with pride, and who like you, will most likely pay for themselves, and will even refuse your attempts to pay for her. Therefore, a situation where a girl does not want to pay for herself may somehow characterize her. And you can choose for yourself whether to communicate with such girls or not.
Articles on the topic
- Is it worth paying for a girl on dates?
- A woman's view: to pay or not to pay for a girl?
- Girl is late for a date
- How to ask a girl out on a date
Everyone pays for themselves
At the restaurant, Olga ordered food for herself, and Victor only asked for a cup of coffee. The conversation didn't go well. When the waiter came up and asked if they would like anything else, the girl replied in the negative and asked for the bill. And then Victor intervened. The man asked the waiter to divide the bill into two parts, one of which should be paid by him, and the other by the girl.
Olga was indignant: “How is this possible? Do you expect me to pay for myself?” In response, she heard that everyone should pay for food themselves, and not ask others for money. He must earn a living and be content with what he has. The girl heard almost everything that she herself said after meeting with the homeless man.
In the end, everyone paid for themselves. The young people did not meet again.
Found a violation? Report content
